There are few good things about a deployment. But I think we all try to find the silver linings, if only to give ourselves the illusion that we have some control of the situation.
One of my silver linings for this deployment is that I inherited my husband's iPhone when he left.
Recently I was endlessly and aimlessly shifting through the phone's apps (I spend a lot of time checking and rechecking my e-mail these days) when I decided to see what music my taste-challenged husband had left me on his device.
And I found Dos Gringos.
Dos Gringos are apparently a group of singing, music playing and song writing fighter pilots. So their songs are all about our branch of the service and the experiences aviators all share.
I find it fascinating.
First of all, I am a complete sucker for male bonding. I find it damn hot. The CD was recorded live at a bar and I love to hear a roomful of guys belting out a war mongering tune.
Secondly, the music explores a side of my husband's personality that I'm not all that familiar with.
To me he is a total family man. He's kind of soft spoken, except when he's not. He's sort of shy. He's a homebody. He's kind of sweet but mostly he is placid. He has one default facial expression and it is pretty dower. I mean, I can get him going, but for the most part, he is as even keeled as they come.
He very rarely ever goes out with friends or hangs in the O' Club bar after work.
But I know that at work he is stubborn and passionate about what he does. He yells. I've heard stories. He's an old crusty colonel now. He drinks Jack and has been known even to smoke cigars. (Though only on special occasions. Right, honey?)
Nobody knows his name. They all call him by his call sign. Everybody.
He could be a character in a movie. But I never see that side of him. I only hear stories (and see the Jack bottles).
It's when he goes TDY that he gets loose. That's when he goes out and has a good time with his friends. I've gotten the drunken phone calls. I've heard the stories. I'm not allowed to tell the other wives.
And so this CD with song titles like, The Legend of Shaved Dog's Ass and My Wife's Vibrator and lyrics like...
"I spent five months TDY, and the bitch spent all my money."
And the one that is stuck in my head...
"...raining fire from above for the freedom that we love, we are the hounds of hell and the bloody dogs of war."
...I am reminded of my husbands alter ego.
He is a warrior. He's seen combat. I should remember that.
But, still. On the desktop of our computer is a picture of my husband in his plane during his first post 9/11 deployment. He's wearing the baseball hat he wore on combat flights. He's wearing his headset and a mic.
And he's wearing a big fucking smile. His smile. His happy smile.
And I just can't think of him as the hound of hell or dog of war.
He may be a warrior, but mostly he is just...