I'm a Freak

I know it. I've come to accept it. I am a freak. But sometimes being a freak can make it hard to make friends.

Lately, I have this thought that keeps sneaking into my head.

With all the talk of masturbation lately, I recalled my first experiences with self love.

Like many girls of my generation, I discovered the magic of the handheld shower massage when I was in my early teens. I'm pretty sure my mother must have known what I was doing in there. We had a very small water heater and I don't think any other family member had a hot shower from 1987 to 1991.

But one day I was shaving my legs with my mother's old electric shaver. This thing was circa 1965. The blades accidentally popped off while the razor was running and I noticed something.

Hmmm, that little plastic piece goes back and forth really fast.

And a habit was born. That razor went through college with me. It's absolutely amazing that I didn't injure myself with the hard plastic nub. Thank Venus I discovered Brookstones my junior year.

So I've been walking around through my life and wondering about every person I happen upon. How did she discover masturbation? What weird things has he tried to get himself off?

Yes, I know I am a freak. Yes, I know I need professional help. This is why I don't have any friends.

But I bet you're thinking about it now too, huh?

Freak!