It Figures

You know how some things just figure. Like when you forget your umbrella and it starts to pour. Or you wear your granny panties and wind up in an accident. Or you don't shave your *ahem* and end up getting naked with a hotty.

Well, lately I have been sleeping. A lot. I'm doing what I need to do to make sure the kids are getting what they need, and then I'm going back to bed. I'm exhausted.

Just yesterday I dropped the kids off at school and then came home for a three hour nap. I set my alarm for eleven so I could get up and take a shower before I had to be seen at pre-school car pool. But I pressed the snooze button for 11:10. And 11:20. And 11:30.

At that point I rolled out of bed, grabbed my purse and my keys and headed out the door.

Just as I was rolling into the school parking lot, I checked the voicemail on my phone. One of them was from school. Great. It figures. Which kid is throwing up? I looked toward the windows in the front office and there is my daughter with her teary eyes and snotty nose pressed up against the glass waiting for me.

I quickly took stock of myself. Bare feet in sandals. Track pants, an overly huge t-shirt, uncombed hair. And, of course, no bra.

Now I don't know about the rest of you, but for me going without a bra is not an option.

But well, how many people could really see me as I did a little speed walk (keeping my upper body as still as possible) from the car to the office?

When I opened the door my daughter threw herself into my arms. And I felt...wet. Huh? Wet? Please, tell me she didn't have an accident.

She had an accident alright. She spilled chocolate milk all over herself. And now I had a chocolate milk child imprint on my smokin' hot outfit.

She was crying because she didn't want to miss recess. So being the understanding mother that I am, I walked her back to class, asked the teacher if she could stay, and then ran to Target to buy her a new outfit.

And, of course, just as I pulled into the Target parking lot, because I had left my umbrella at home, it started to rain. And you know that t-shirt I was wearing? It was white.

I thought I could cross my arms over my chest and perform another speed walk. But, oh no. My son had to hold my hand. And he had to run.

It figures.

I had to go back to school like that and drop off my daughter's clothes. All the while I was swearing to myself that I wouldn't ever sleep late and let that happen again.

Until today. When I got to school and all of my friends were there waiting to ask me out for lunch.

The housewife life has never looked so glamorous as it did out for Mexican today. With me wearing the exact same outfit. And carrying a Louis Vuitton purse. Because I am all about class.