My Husband the Magician

Sometimes my husband surprises me. Not with lavish parties, gifts, or romantic gestures, but with his hidden skills.

While I was unpacking from our New York trip I noticed that my top secret nightstand drawer was ajar. I tried to close it, but something was stuck. So I eased it open to find a note taped to my much-beloved Magic Wand.

"I fixed your vibrator. You owe me..."

Yeah, you know. I don't think I'm going to tell you what I owe him.

If you'll remember, my magic wand had died a tragic death back in February. But I found that if I held the cord in a very specific position, I could still get it to work. Vibrators ain't cheap, people. Lately, though, it was getting harder and more frustrating to coax it to do it's job.

My first thought was that he had bought me a new one and only claimed to fix it. When he assured me that he had, "...opened it up and fixed it," I started to laugh. I don't know why. I just think that his performing electrical surgery on my Magic Wand is fucking hysterical. If only I had known he possessed such skills before.

"I can do things, you know," he told me, somewhat affronted by my laughter.

"Sure, you can fix my vibrator, but you claimed you couldn't install the ceiling fan."

Busted. "I could install the ceiling fan. I just didn't want to. What a pain in the ass." Now he was starting to laugh too.

As I marveled over the wand, he said, "You want to plug it in, don't you? You don't trust me."

I have to admit, as far as I'm concerned, fixing an electrical cord on a small appliance is akin to voodoo magic. I did want to see if it really worked. But I was laughing too hard and I didn't want to insult him any more, so I said that I trusted him and I'd try it out later.

It wasn't until the next morning that I had time to test his workmanship. I plugged that sucker in and got comfy in bed. I flicked the switch and...nothing.

But it had only come unplugged. So I leaned over the side of the bed and plugged it in again. But when I rolled back over in bed, it came unplugged. Over and over again, I rolled my naked ass around in that bed trying to get it to stay plugged in.

Suddenly it hit me. The cord was shorter.

Sure, he fixed my vibrator. And in the process made the cord too short to use it in the comfort of my bed.

I guess the last laugh is on me.

And he owes me one extension cord.