This morning I seriously did one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Okay, you guys know me. Right? After all this time you know that I don't care much about my looks. For god's sake, the first time I ever met a bunch of bloggers my jaw was wired shut and my face was swollen like a chipmunk.
I don't like the way I look but I also don't really care much. I'd never let my looks (or lack there of) keep me from doing something I want to do.
But this morning it took every once of my self esteem reserves to get me though the door to the school's Welcome Coffee and Volunteer Fair.
It's hard enough walking into a social situation like that all alone. It's even harder when you strongly sense that you don't fit in.
But with my ridiculous new haircut, it was nearly impossible.
I look so stupid.
I'm ashamed to admit it but I hadn't had my hair cut since I donated it earlier this year. I wanted to do something a little different but decided to go ahead and ask for my normal, simple bob but without bangs for once. Ooooh, what a maverick I am.
I randomly chose a salon only because it was open on Sunday, the only day my daughter and I had time to spare. She got a great cut. Mine...not so much.
At least my stylist admitted she made a mistake. Actually, she was messing with the back of my hair and said, "Uh oh. I think I goofed." To even things out she cut and cut and cut.
My hair is now a short, misshapen mess. A short misshapen mess I paid 45 bucks for.
I look ridiculous.
Anyway, I did it. I went to this coffee and volunteered for a few committees. I tried to make conversation but after ten minutes of perusing all of the fair tables and drinking a cup of o.j. I found myself standing alone like a dork and I took off. (I wasn't the only one. They needed more "old" moms to engage the new ones.)
At least I did it.
My philosophy is to fake it until I make it. (I think I heard that from Heather Graham's character on Scrubs!) Act confident until you can be confident. Act like you fit in until you do fit in.
Act like you give a fuck until you actually do.