Not Again

It's when we're farthest away that my husband and I have the best talks. I swear there have been deployments where we've actually grown closer.

The other night when Patrick was at work, My husband and I talked on the phone for well over an hour. It was nice.

But, well, he has this thing that he says sometimes. It almost always starts the same way. I can hear in the first syllable where the rest of the words are going.

"So, what would you think if..."

What would I think if we moved here for this job?

What would I think if he volunteered for this tour?

What would I think about moving overseas?

This time it is, " So, what would you think if I checked into this year remote?"

He's at a crossroads and going to Iraq or Korea for a year may be his only answer.

It's not his going that is so hard. It's the always wondering when and if he will go. But this time?

My gut feeling is that this time, he's going. Not until winter, but he is going.

And as is almost always the case, I'm torn between being happy for his opportunity and where it can take us all (never mind the fulfillment of his duty) and being devastated for me and the kids. And him too. Because I know he misses us like mad.

Right now, I can only tell him, as always do, "I think you need to do what you need to do. We'll make it work."

And then I'll cry after he's gone.