Parenting by Sam Kinison

I've decided to stop yelling. I know, I know. You're thinking, "You? Tuna Girl? You yell? Never! I won't believe it!"

I can't believe it either. I never used to yell. When the kids were little I can even remember telling my husband, "You can't be mad at her. She's two!"

And I would never just yell at random people. But I've been yelling at my kids way too much lately. I feel like nobody (and I mean, seriously, nobody) ever really listens to me and so I have to raise my voice to be heard.

But we all know that strategy not only makes me a sucky mom but it just plain doesn't work. The more you yell, the more people tune you out.

So I have made a resolution. A very serious one. No more yelling.

The problem is that now I find myself expressing anger or frustration with sarcasm. I know screaming, "Would you please, for the love of god, pick up your mess!" isn't good for my kids' psyches (okay, obviously, I'm only talking about my daughter here) but I'm guessing calmly stating, "Oh, no please. Leave your mess right where it is. We all know that you think I'm your maid and that my life revolves around cleaning up after the princess," probably isn't very good for her self esteem either.

I guess I should have resolved to stop being a bitch.

But at least I'm not a loud bitch. At least not until I get PMS. Then we'll see how much resolve I really have.