Friday, May 06, 2005

Memed Again, Fuckers

Revenge is a dish best served old. *

I mean, cold. Cold. Yeah, cold.

Famous Author Rob Byrnes has tagged me, and I'm 'it.' The Official Rules of the Caesar's Bath Meme, as I copied and pasted them from his blog:

Said meme takes its name from Mel Brooks' A History of the World (Part I), and, upon receiving it, one is supposed to list five things that one's circle of friends or peer group is wild about, but that one can't really understand the fuss over. Quoth Caesar, "Nice. Nice. Not thrilling . . . but nice."

What the hell? Who is this Mel Brooks person he is talking about? And who the hell is my peer group?

I pass FARB this nice little meme about what music he listens to, and he tags me with the hardest meme of all time?

So I've been giving it a lot of thought. Since I seem to have more in common with the gay men in my life than I do the military wives I spend most of my time with, I think I'll refer to the gals as my peer group for the sake of the meme.

What better way to celebrate Military Spouse Appreciation Day (appreciate me, damnit!) than to slam my friends?

1. Lipstick: I'll never really understand makeup in general. I just don't get how it ended up that women must wear makeup to be considered presentable, but men don't. Who made that rule? But what amazes me about lipstick is it seems to be the one thing most women will not go out in public without. (Like Kelly on last week's Amazing Race who asked a complete stranger if she could borrow her lipstick.) What is wrong with the natural color of our lips, people? And besides, lipstick is gross. It gets on your teeth, your cup, and your man.

2. Scrapbooking: I can't think of a single one of my military wife friends who doesn't scrapbook. Now don't get me wrong, I think the resulting albums are really nice and all, but sheesh. Stop making me feel like I'm an awful wife and mother just because I don't scrapbook every moment of our lives. There's nothing wrong with the old fashion sleeve albums or digital albums. They're just pictures, people! And besides, that shit is expensive.

3. Yellow Ribbons: Or any kind of magnet or bumper stick for your mini van or SUV. Once upon a time, a yellow ribbon meant something.

4. Christian Music: And I thought Country music was bad. All of my friends listen to this stuff all of the time. I drove CB's van home from the airport once and every station she had programmed in was Christian. She once asked me if I minded that she played it in her house when she babysat my kids. The worst part of their obsession is that they talk about it all the time. Christian Music makes me want to shove forks in my ears. These friends of mine wouldn't know David Grohl if he bit them in the face.

5. Brad Pitt: I don't know. He can be nice looking and all but. . . eh. Nice. Nice. Not thrilling. . . but nice.

And I guess I'm supposed to pass this on to three people. Great, three more people who are going to hate me. I think I'll stick with the military wives and pass this stick to Rose, and Feisty Girl. And non-military wife Sarah too. Because all three should have very interesting perspectives.

*It is probably best not to antagonize the one person I know with literary connections. What I meant to say was: You are a virile and handsome young man, Famous Author Rob Byrnes. I worship the alcohol-soaked ground you stagger on.

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