I've started to write about this several times before. But I can never seem to get it right. But now it is forefront in my mind most of the time. And I need to get it out.
I once read that everyone has a committee in his head. You consult this committee every time you make a decision, from the most mundane to the most life changing. Of course you give the committee varying degrees of decision-making power. But it's always in there, crowding up your subconscious.
The people on this mental committee are the people in your life who have influence over you. They may be dead or alive and you may consult them consciously or subconsciously. But once someone gets on your committee, it is damn hard to boot them off.
So who's on your committee?
Mine is made up of my husband, kids, and closest friends. There may also be a past coach or teacher or two. And then there are my parents.
Damn, damn, damn. Thirty-one years-old and I'm still subconsciously consulting my parents every time I make a decision.
Now, that's not to say that I always do what I perceive will make them happy. If that were true I wouldn't be married and living in a different state and I would still be working the first job I got out of college.
My husband and I have recently had to make a few decisions that we know won't make them overly happy. Actually, that's not fair. It is our perception that they won't be happy. Sometimes I think we project our own insecurities onto them. But still, past experience makes us think that they won't be happy.
We're still doing what we think is right, but we're both stressed about my parent's reaction.
It's time they got off my committee. I need to do some major reorganization. I need to walk into my mental boardroom and lay down the law.
The good news is that every time we get in one of these situation, my brother goes and does something so much worse than what we're planning. It's good to be the "good one" for a change.