Kids Today

Today in the pediatrician's office I overheard a kid say to his mother, "But the kids will make fun of me!"

She immediately responded, "No they won't."

And there was a part of me that wanted to scoff at her, "Are you kidding?"

In the past six years, I've learned a whole hell of a lot about kids' bullying and teasing. Too much. And it certainly isn't because my kids are the teasers or bulliers.

And not to sound all superior, but I would never ever reply to "But the kids will make fun of me!" with, "No they won't."

Because they will.

Kids are mean.

I hate kids.

I guess I've always expected kids to make fun of other kids their own age. My daughter has been called a baby, been made fun of for farting, and been accused of lying about everything from where she spent her vacation to the existence of her dog.

She is a prime target for teasing and bullying because she gets really upset very easily.

Now it seems that some fifth grade boys have decided to pick on her.

I'm appalled. I understand that there is a pecking order at school, and kids are going to do anything they can to try and stay on top of that pecking order. But what do ten-year-old boys get out of picking on a little girl?

Isn't that sort of pathetic?

I want to barge in the headmaster's office and demand, "Is this really the kind of school you have here? Are these really the kind of boys you are producing? And why the hell are fifth graders and first graders on the playground at the same time anyway?"

I guess it is especially hard for me to understand because I never was picked on as a kid. There were a few incidents in fifth grade when I was made fun of for wearing a bra. But all I did was give those girls a look, and they never said another word. Besides, even then, I knew that they were just jealous of the attention I was getting.

But my daughter didn't even tell me about the boys. I had to hear it from AH whose kid knows and tells everything.

My regular advice to my daughter when she is being teased is to shrug, say, "Whatever," and walk away. It's funny how much this bugs the other kids.

But my gut instinct is to tell her to handle these things the way I would have as a kid.

"What? You think I'm chubby? Yeah, well, I can lose weight. You'll always be ugly."
"You took my ball? Fine. Here. Let me throw you this rock."
"You keep pulling my hair? That's okay. I'll cut yours off when you least expect it. Now where did I put my scissors."

I'm not sure that I ever said any of those things. But that was my attitude. So insecure kids ran off to find easier prey.

But my kid is that easy prey. And none of those snarky solutions fit her personality. She would never yell back. She would never hit back. It's just not in her. Besides, as my friend pointed out, saying those kinds of things just might get her hit.

It's one of those thousands of parenting situations where the right answer just isn't clear. A friend said to me, "I wish my parents had stepped in when I was a kid." But won't her mommy complaining to the school just reinforce that whole baby thing? And, to a point, she has to learn to deal with this stuff on her own.

The fact that she didn't even tell me about it either means that she feels completely helpless, or it just isn't that big of a deal. She says she just forgot to tell me. And in her world of fairy princesses and unicorns, that's pretty understandable.

Her teacher says that she is very well-liked at school. She is very happy to go every day. In fact, she cried for a half hour today because she had to stay home sick.

I don't really know what to do, and I'm just going to follow her lead for now.

But I can tell you this. I will never ever respond to, "But the kids will pick on me!" with, "No they won't."

Because they will.

I can guarantee it.