Bitches, Cosmos, and Prom Dates

I just yelled out, "Oh my god, Buffy! If you don't shut up I'm going to kill you!"

She doesn't like it when the lawn guys are here. She can't see them out the windows, but that doesn't stop her from barking her ever-loving head off.

Still, what kind of idiot yells at her dog in complete sentences? Like any dog will understand that.

Funny, though. She just trotted in and sat down next to me. I guess she could hear the threat in my voice. I swear the little pink bow-bedecked demon dog is smarter than me most of the time.

Oh sure, I have my moments. Just this weekend I came up with a brilliant term for that phenomenon of drinking one (or four) too many cosmopolitans and making bad choices in bed (or backseat, or bathroom stall) partners. It's cosmopolinating.

Get it? See. I'm brilliant.

I can find the humor in lots of things that other people don't. Like, for example, my husband and I have been joking about drinking Smirnoff Ice since we attended a party with two full coolers of them. He even brought me home a six pack of them after work last Friday. I finally got around to drinking a couple of them Saturday night.

He was working around the house and I was laughing at myself drinking all alone. It was like I was back in high school drinking wine coolers. Except I didn't drink in high school. Or break any rules. My husband thinks that's why I'm living a second adolescence on those rare weekends when I get out with my friends.

I'll even be going to prom again here soon. The theme for this year's big school fundraising night is "Back in Time: Who Ya Taking to the Prom?"

I'll be taking my husband. He turned me down when I asked him to take me to prom in high school. He said, "Who should I take to the prom?"

I answered, "I really think you should take me."

And he said, "Nah."

He took my brother's ex-girlfriend (a.k.a. Miss Piggy) instead. And I still married him. I think he owes me. Big time.

He's ordered a tux and a limo. We're doing it right this time. And we're getting drunk. After this prom, he might just get lucky.

My friend SW is making a collage of our prom pictures as a "conversation piece" for that night. I've got to dig ours up. My husband had two dates for his junior prom. He wore a royal blue cummerbund and bow tie for pictures with one girl, and then changed into an emerald green cummerbund and bow tie for pictures with the next girl. I have photographic proof somewhere.

If I can find it, I'm posting it here. As punishment. For not taking me to his prom. Serves him right.