Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Why I'm Sucky and Boring

The next time you're sitting in a boring work meeting, think about this.

They say, write what you know.

Do you know what I know?

I know about sitting through an hour of mind numbing presentations by fourth graders.

I've seen a lot of really great school presentations over the years. I'm always amazed at what the teachers can get the kids to do and how creative their presentations are.

Yesterday...ummm...not so much.

Each fourth grader filled out a form about a breed of dog. And then they read the information on the form to the crowd with absolutely no preparation or practice.

By the fifth time I heard about how many cups of food a dog should have a day, I was ready to put a corkscrew in my brain.

Oh! And they handed out questions for the parents to ask. To which each and every kid replied, "I don't know."

I tried to intentionally choke myself with the little slip of paper my question was written on ("Are Irish Setters popular in the US?") but it didn't work. No rescue by EMT for me.

I couldn't even sneak out at intermission because my kid was dead last.

At least she mixed up her question responses with, "I'm not sure, but I think so."

After, there was a reception. I could have been completely invisible. The only people who talked to me, or even made eye contact with me were my daughter and her teacher. (And one very kind woman whose daughter is switching schools with us next year.)

Her teacher thinks my daughter was "amazing". "We saved the best for last!" she told me.

Um, okay.

Next year when she's whipping your school's ass in forensics, or someday when she's giving speeches for charitable foundations or starring on Broadway, be sure to remember that she didn't learn anything from you.

Okay, what was that I was saying about finding the happy? I'm happy I won't have to sit through another presentation like that ever again. There's an hour of my life I'll never get back, all for the love of my amazing kid.



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