Wednesday, March 31, 2004

The Eye of the Beholder

You can always tell when my husband is away by how horny I get. I'm horny enough on a day to day basis, but when he's's through the roof.

I don't remember being boy-crazy as a teenager. There was a time when I had an album filled with pictures of Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe, and C. Thomas Howell. But that was in junior high. In high school, I had plenty of boyfriends, but I don't remember having an insatiable need to check out boys.

Evidently 30 really is when women reach their sexual peak, because I'm making up for it now. Of course I live in a target rich environment. Every one of my neighbors is a military fly boy. Of course they're all married, but they still look good. Lunch at the food court in the BX is a veritable all-you-can-eat buffet of eye candy. And working out at the gym on base is better than watching porn. I'm getting all a-flutter just thinking about it.

A few months ago, while my husband was deployed, I had lunch with my two closest friends, AH and CB. CB lives next door to me. I was telling them that I take a few minutes every week to just watch my neighbor mow his lawn. Ahh. It was so nice. Hot, sweaty, military guy being all masculine mowing his lawn. Hmmm. What a show. And this particular guy was divorced and lived there all alone. So he was a prime candidate for fantasies. I call him Hot Neighbor Boy.

CB just gave me a *blank stare* and then said, "Our neighbor? Across from you?"

"Yup," I replied. "What a cutie."

They never said anything else, but about a month later, when my husband was home, I looked out my kitchen window to watch my favorite show. And damn. But they must have recast or something. Hot Neighbor Boy was looking less like Raoul Bova and more like Ted from Queer Eye. He was gawky and kind of skinny. What the hell kind of beer goggles had I been using. Pent up sexual frustrations can do a number on your standards.

Thank god my husband will be home Saturday. I've already caught myself staring at high school soccer players, the guys at the car wash, and my brand new neighbor. Who knows how low I'd go if he were going to be gone for another month.

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