I see memes come and go and nobody ever tags me. I mean, come on, people! I get as much writer's block as the next guy. Sometimes you need a little
But I learned back in junior high that the best way to get the cool kids to make fun of you is to emulate them, so I just sat here in my little corner...all meek and quiet...alone...friendless...in the dark.
So I was really happy when my friend Aza tagged me with this Seven Weird Things About Me meme. I'm weird. I can rock this one out of the park!
*Ahem* Yeah. I just lost my cool kid cred, huh?
So I sat down and started writing.
Seven Weird Things About Me
1. I have geographic tongue.
2. I have a fear of buttons.
3. ...
I didn't get very far. And I got distracted with all the information I found about geographic tongue. I finally have a medical reason for not being able to eat spicy foods. See! I'm not just a wimp!
But I was seriously stuck on something that was supposed to be a quick and easy post.
When my husband came home that night I told him all about my meme thing (which was hard because I have no idea how to pronounce that word). I asked for his help.
"You know I'm weird. What else can I put on the list?"
He thought and thought and occasionally shouted out his ideas.
"You have an expensive purse fetish!"
"That's not weird," I argued. "Lots of women love purses." Admittedly, it's kind of weird that I dress like a lesbian but carry designer purses, but still.
"You leave hair all over the house," he accused. "You're always snipping your split ends. You're always right. You tell your best friend everything. You can't remember shit. And you get moody when you have PMS!"
Okay! Enough!" I stopped him. "This isn't a list of Things That Annoy My Husband. These are supposed to be weird things."
Clearly, I needed a more expert opinion. So I called Patrick.
"Name something weird about me."
"You can only masturbate under the covers," he replied, without a second hesitation.
"Damn you! You know too damn much about me. I can't write that. My husband thinks I tell you too much as it is."
(Let's hope my husband doesn't read this particular post.)
Through his laughter Patrick started ticking off a list of extremely embarrassing things I've told him over the years. His memory is too damn good. I told him that the two of them were having way too much fun at my expense.
"I don't think you should write this list yourself," he suggested. "I think it would be more fun to leave it up to your friends and family."
I don't think my fragile ego can handle it.
So, let's see. So far we have:
Seven Weird Things About Me
1. I have geographic tongue.
2. I have a fear of buttons.
3. I can only masturbate under the covers
4. My husband
5. My best friend
6. My blog
and...
Screw it. Next time I want a quick and easy post I'll put up a picture of a puppy.
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