Hard Times

Okay, guys. Time for a little honesty here.


I'd love to be cute and funny right now, for a lot of people's sakes, but I am too overwhelmed with my own stuff.


I spent most of this weekend in bed, sleeping for five hours at a time, almost around the clock. I have a cold, or maybe allergies, but between my sinuses and our almost daily storms, I've been having debilitating headaches.


That was not how I wanted to spend my last weekend with my husband.


I've gotten to that pre-deployment point that I've learned to dread. Three previous deployments have taught me what to look out for and what to expect. And that at least assures me that I'm not losing my mind.


I think that people assume that the worst time of a deployment is right after he leaves, and maybe in the middle when it is stretching on. But that's not true for me. The hardest times are right now as he is getting ready to leave, and near the end when people start expecting you to be "normal" again, and right after he gets home when the adjusting is so hard.

Because during all three of those times you are not just worrying about getting yourself and your kids through each day usually within your well-established routine. You are worrying about other people's feelings.

My husband had to take care of a lot of morbid stuff last week, like his will and custodianship for the kids should something happen to both of us. He had to go to the required briefing about Family Readiness.

So last Friday night, when we were just sort of hanging out he turned to me and told me that he loved me. He told me that he appreciated me more than I could ever know. He told me that he is lucky to have me and that it felt good knowing that he could leave and not worry about anything here.

I mostly appreciate that I have a husband who can say those sorts of things to me. I've seen too many marriages die while they suffered through separations. I've seen wives go back home to their parents. I've seen wives just give up, and leave their kids and husband behind.

He leaves in less than a week. We both have so much to do before that time. I am overwhelmed and sick and tired.

But I'm secure. And that is the most important thing to be at this time.