Today I have some questions.
What the hell is up with women's clothes right now?
When are designers going to be over the maternity look for women? It's hard enough to find flattering clothes when your body most closely resembles a statue of a fertility goddess. But when designers are making skinny chicks look pregnant with all these flouncy, empire waist designs, we real women have no chance at all!
Speaking of clothes, have you seen the three new jean designs at Old Navy? The Flirt cut. The Sweetheart cut. And the Diva cut. Can you tell the difference between any of them? They should just call them all the Slut cut and get on with it. Skinny little bitches.
Speaking of bitches, what is the deal with nasty rich people owning Maltese dogs?
Yesterday I saw Star Jones Whatever on HGTV House Hunters with her little Maltese. And of course Leona Helmsley's Maltese is $12 million richer. Was this a trend started by Elizabeth Taylor or is there just something about a prissy little white ball of fluff that appeals to a certain type of women? And if that is true, why did I buy one? What does that say about me?
I've had to keep Buffy away from the newspapers and television lately. I don't want her getting ideas. she might think she can trip me down the stairs, inherit millions and go live with her one true love in New York City.
And finally, speaking of being bitchy, why am I so damn happy to get my period? It's not like I actually thought I was pregnant. But I actually woo hoo-ed when I saw blood. Who the fuck whoo hoos at blood?