Today I came the closest I've ever come to cheating on my husband.
You see, I think I'm in love with the DirecTV guy.
First of all, my appointment with him was for between 8 a.m. and noon. But at 7:40 a.m. he called to tell me that he would be here in ten minutes. "Oh, I guess it's time for me to get out of bed!" I told him.
Exactly ten minutes later he knocked on my door. You've got to love that kind of punctuality in a man. He told me he already knew what the problem was, and he'd be back in a few minutes to check things out. Decisive too, huh? That's hot.
He came back to my door with grass clippings all over his shoes. "I don't want to mess up your house," he told me. "Can you check channels 3 and 247?" So he's considerate to boot.
"What was wrong," I asked him. I was afraid that I had overlooked some simple solution and wasted his time and my money. He proceeded to blame all of the problems on my lawn guys, who carelessly moved the dish. A man who's willing to blame other men for my problems is the perfect man for me!
When I hit the power button on my remote and an episode of Spongebob Squarepants appeared on my television screen, I wanted to tongue kiss this man in blue.
I really wasn't sure how I was going to make it to the first day of school without the distraction of Nickelodeon.
I returned to the front door to sign his paperwork. "You just need to sign right here to confirm that I won't be charging you for anything today. I didn't really do anything much." So he's free and humble. Hell, yeah!
So, let's sum up. A man who's punctual, reliable, decisive, considerate, humble, handy with electronic equipment and doesn't charge?
The Tuna Man better be buying me something pretty right now.