Last Words on my Mouth

I feel a little bad right now. A few people have found my blog lately by googling for information on jaw surgery. And here I am complaining about crapping my pants.

It's not that bad, Google people. I swear. I'm actually glad that I had it done. I still have a long way to go before I look, talk, and eat normally (like four more weeks) but I think in the long run that I am going to be really glad to have had the opportunity to have this surgery.

A few people have asked me about just how I will look and talk in New York when I meet all these new people. They're wondering how healed I am. People have even asked for pictures.

There ain't no way in hell I was going to allow photo documentation of this whole process. I barely even have any pictures of myself with braces.

But by following these Google searches, I happened upon this man's personal page. A.J. went through a surgery very similar to mine, and documented the whole thing in photographs. You know that I am a total picture slut. I love looking at people's photos. And these were of particular interest to me.

I am healing right along the same lines as A.J. The only difference so far is that he got his bite splint off after two weeks, but I'll be wearing mine for six weeks. Well, that and my bite splint isn't green. And I'd never puree spaghetti. And I'm not a 140 pound, 5'7" man, but you know. In theory it is all the same.

So anyway, to answer your questions, my cheeks (where the titanium strips are holding my jaw forward) are still pretty swollen. And my nose, and lips are still numb. But I've gone from looking like a gorilla to looking like a chipmunk, and it's all good.

Though I think I am going to dub my teeth as the "Gates of Hell". I guess you'll have to see them to know what I mean. I think I may have scared my husband off oral sex for the rest of his life.

Just kidding. Like that would ever happen.

Actually, I feel sort of bad about that. It's been since October since I've *ahem* done that to him. And there ain't no way in hell I'm doing it before he deploys in January. And then he'll be gone for four months. So that's (let me count my fingers) at least six months with no pole polishing.

Poor baby!

Okay. I'm officially sick of talking about my freaking jaw. It's boring to you. It's boring to me. And truly, I feel pretty petty complaining about my simple medical procedure while so many people have so many worse things to deal with.

Speaking of which, have you ever noticed that I always screw up the use of the words worse and worst in my blog? Dumbass.

So let's see. That means my blog topics in the near future may include Jourdan Lane and how much she rocks, how the Tuna Pest got me in trouble again, how I killed my daughter's pet worm, how I think my daughter is a fruit fly in the making, something about Wendy's that I can't remember, and how I have a crush on Steven Sabados.

Happy reading.