Today's Real Post (such as it is)

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Apparently, my pictures are worth quite a few less.

I actually never think to express myself in pictures. If I feel the need to get something out, I don't paint, draw, sculpt or capture it in any physical form. My psyche operates on words alone. Usually a whole lot of words. Strung together in dubious ways. But words, none the less.

Which is why this blog is occasionally filled with rambling prose on the state of my life.

Take today, for example.

Did I call yesterday Tuna Girl's Day of Crap? I was sadly mistaken. Because today has been far worse.

First, let's start with my orthodontist appointment. The surgeon thinks one of my bicuspids is too high. So the orthodontist used a pair of pliers to lower it. And yes, that feels just as painful as it sounds.

Then his assistant placed surgical hooks on my braces And that is much more painful then it sounds. It felt like she was removing all of my teeth at once by pulling out the wire they are attached to.

And now I have these lovely Gates of Hell razor-sharp hooks across the front of my teeth.

And I thought all the pain would be starting on Friday.

Then I went to my surgical appointment.

A word of advice to the girls. Always shave your legs for a doctors appointments, even if it is a maxilofacial surgeon.

I ended up getting a full exam and lab work. It would have been nice to know that would happen before hand. I'm glad I got over my needle phobia while I was pregnant.

Oh! And I fell asleep in the surgeon's exam room while I was waiting for him. I was dreaming and everything. When he opened the door, I jumped a mile.

Today I'm bruised, cut, swollen, and miserable. And the hard part hasn't even started yet.

AH called me a little while ago and asked me to substitute in our daughters' classroom next week. Isn't she thoughtful? She knows full well that I am having this stupid surgery. Can you just picture me, trying to control twenty five-year-olds without being able to speak in more than a mumble?

I know that so many people have things so worse off than me. And I know that this surgery isn't a big deal at all. Maybe it is because I am so dependent on words that I dread all of this so much.

And I can't tell you how many e-mails I've received (not to mention all of your great comments) wishing me luck. I'm sure you can't tell through all of my whining, but I appreciate your words so very much.

I will be quiet for a few days now. But I am sure I will be back with a vengeance. I'm going to need some outlet for all the words that rumble in my head and won't be able to find their way out of my mouth.

In the meantime, I've arranged for a guest blogger. Yay! I love guest bloggers. Especially when they're good friends.

Patrick has graciously agreed to inflict his brand of humor on my humble little blog. I'd try to lay some ground rules, but everyone just ignores me anyway. I'm sure Patrick will have one or two jokes to share about all the oral sex my husband won't be getting. And I can almost guarantee some mention of my rack.

Man. I may live to regret this.

So have fun together and play nice. I'm going to be taking a vacation with a little friend I like to call Lortab.

I love you guys!