One Story, Two Reactions

My kid is growing up.

Oh, that doesn't mean that we don't have our daily dose of crying. We just wouldn't be the Tuna family without the Tuna daughter having her once-a-day breakdown. But I'm starting to see visions of the teenager she's going to be, and it is some scary shit.

She wants to get her ears pierced. (I told her she has to wait until she's twelve.)

She wants to go to college so she can be a scientist. (But she cries about it because she's afraid to move into a dorm.)

She wants to kiss her brother, "Like this. Like grown-ups do!" (And I had to explain about sisterly kisses while shopping at the BX.)

And she wants to get married. To the boy who lives across the playground from us. The boy who she has, "...so much fun playing spies with."

She came in from playing for a drink of water and told me, "Mommy, I'm going to marry that boy. Don't tell him though because I don't know if he loves me yet, but I love him."

"What's the boy's name, Sweetie?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she replied.

"That's going to make it awfully hard to exchange vows at the alter."

In her defense, the little boy has a serious speech impediment that makes it almost impossible to understand him.

I have to admit that I'm keeping a close eye on them. He's always wanting her to go to his garage. He is the older man, after all. He's seven.

*****

My husband is out of town for work this week; first to a resort town than to corporate box seats at an NHL game. Fucker. But I told him this story over the phone last night.

His reaction: "At least she isn't insisting on marrying her brother anymore."

Then I told Patrick the same story.

His reaction: "Oh, no! It's starting. Who is this kid? You think her father is going to be protective? The first boy who breaks her heart is going to have to deal with me. And it isn't going to be pretty."

*****

So, to all of my daughter's future suitors, here is a warning.

You think dealing with a military officer father will be bad? Think again. It's the gay uncle whose wrath you should fear. I suggest you suck up in the right direction.

Oh, wait. That just took a really wrong turn.

As for me, I'm not worried about dealing with her dating years at all. Oh sure, the drama will be in full effect every time a boy says something out of line.

But it's the drama of the men in my life that I'm going to have to deal with. And just think. My son will be in on it by then too.

He's already made his stand with the boy next door.

"Leave my sister alone!"

Right on, Tuna Boy.