Two years ago on about this day, I blogged about running the teddy bear relay race at my daughter's field day. Last year I ran the fire house relay, where they gave the kids squirt bottles to put out a fire and save the firehouse dog. I had to use my mean voice to keep from getting soaked.
This year, with both of my kids in school, I got sucked into doing the worst job of all!
Face painting.
Who the fuck thought up this genius children's activity anyway?
Luckily, they had stamps that we could swab with paint and press into a kid's face. But some of those little shits are demanding. They must be used to their nannies fulfilling their every desire. These kids won't take no for an answer.
So some of them demanded snakes (which I could handle) and skulls and crossbones (which I refused to do) and even unicorns. Pretty unicorns with purple heads, pink manes, and golden horns.
I didn't realize it, but the other mothers who had volunteered to help were sending the demanding kids to me. And I soon became known as the best face painter.
How the hell?
It might have all started when my own kid was one of the first in line. She wanted a dolphin. Since she and I copy dolphins out of her art book all the time, I figured I could handle it. She ended up with a shark. But it was a pretty cool shark. And I was proud of myself.
"Oh, did you freehand that?" one of the mothers asked me.
"Well, yeah," I replied. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Never admit to talent in a group of society mothers.
For as much as I forewarned the kids not to expect much, I have to admit that I painted some kick-ass snakes and unicorns. Tuna Girl: face painting extraordinaire. Who knew?
My husband said my daughter's shark looked like a fish.
"Well, she is the little Tuna Girl..." I said.
He interrupted me, "You know, I wouldn't have wished that name on you! Let's leave her out of the Tuna thing. Alright?"
Too late.
Oh! And the boy?
He wanted one thing and one thing only painted on his face. A rainbow.
He must be getting ready for Pride.
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