Hubris

Note to self: If you're going to come out of your shell and comment on a blog with a huge readership like Joe My God, at least make sure you have something decent posted for the new visitors who will follow the comment link.

I've been thinking about blogging lately. No, no. Don't run away. This isn't going to be one of those blogs about blogging. Or at least not really.

I've long thought that blogs have a life cycle. Many of the blogs that I read are in the two-year-old range. I think it was probably in 2004 that blogging really broke out to the masses. And now a lot of those bloggers are running out of things to say. Me included. I mean, come on! Have you been reading this drivel?

But I still have consistently more hits than ever. (And less comments but that's another topic.)

You see, the thing is...I haven't really run out of things to say. I just can't say a lot of what's on my mind because my blogging circumstances have changed so much in the last two years.

For one thing, I used to talk about sex a lot. It was cool when it was just me spouting off to a dozen or so gay guys and a couple of fellow housewives. But now I've met a lot of you people. And some of you have met my husband. And I have a lot more military folks reading. And do you really want to read about how my husband mistook my ***** for my ***?

See. Ew! I get the creeps just typing that.

I also used to use my blog as a way to articulate my feelings and disappointments and fears. Because I hovered in complete anonymity, I could get away with ranting about people, insulting so-called friends, and getting all feisty.

But now, some of my closest friends are fellow bloggers. My best friends are bloggers. What used to just amount to me blogging about my life, would now become a serious breach of trust and friendship.

I treasure my blog because of the connections I've made through it, while I hate it for the living, breathing, thing it has become.

To write is to have faith. I know that. Faith that you will once again come up with a funny one-liner. Faith that you will have a story to tell that will draw people in. Faith that you'll touch someone, even if only to make them laugh at you. Faith that the words won't just go away.

I'm keeping the faith. I am. Right now I'm just spewing word vomit in the hope that something interesting will come out.

My daughter has been writing stories lately. Her computer is littered with Word files filled with tales of goldfish and birds and horses and princesses. Her Daddy told her that Mommy writes stories too. "Everyday she writes a little bit," he told her. I know he thinks it's amazing that we like to write. I know he's proud of me and encouraging her.

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it.

And then I think of what my life would be like without it.