There's No Crying in Blogging

The general has informed me that I must post again. He's sick of looking at the picture of my daughter's "odd" ballet costume.

The problem is that I have just about one thing on my mind all the time lately. And I can't write about it yet.

Well, okay. I do have some other things on my mind. But you've heard all about Patrick, and you can read how he's doing on his own blog. And everything else in my life is just normal mom-type stress, as usual.

The problem with stressing about something and trying to be brave about it is that my angst can show up at the oddest moments.

My kids played violin today at the school's fine arts fair. They did great. They were cute. And when the art teacher was handing out awards, I started crying. I have no idea why. I almost always cry at the kids' performances.

I happened to catch a documentary on Logo the other night. When I started watching they were just talking about Reagan, and the AIDS crisis, and Act Up. And I started to cry. No, actually, I was weeping. Full on, no holds barred weeping.

I cried while reading a story about airmen visiting the Enlisted Village's home for airmen's widows.

I'm crying about everything!

But I have yet to cry about the thing that I know is really bothering me. Maybe I'm afraid that if I start to cry I'll lose control. I'll never stop.

Hell, I didn't even tell anyone about it for a while. Then in one day I told my mother and Patrick, and now I'm a blubbering mess.

Damn reality. I should have just left the picture of my daughter in her "odd" ballet costume at the top for another day.