Thursday, November 06, 2008

The Downward Grind

I didn't write anything at all yesterday because I was afraid of what I might record for all prosperity.

I have always thought that writing was the best way to deal with any powerful emotions. But sometimes what I see on the page when I've finished spewing words makes me feel even worse. I don't like what I see there.

I knew yesterday would be like that. I am so angry. With my family and the people I love. And, I suppose, myself.

My daughter is grounded for a week for being irresponsible. Yet she has managed to be even more irresponsible than ever during her grounding.

My husband is driving me nuts. I won't go more into that.

My son was doing okay until he acted like a sassy, little brat at his violin lesson. I hate it when he's silly. He knows violin class is not the time to be silly.

And scores of other people are driving me nuts.

Why do these things always happen all at once? It makes me think that it must really be me. It must be my reactions and disappointments that drive people to disappoint me.

Once I start yelling at my kids I start feeling guilty. I never used to yell.

Ironically, when I don't yell at some adults who need to be yelled at, I feel guilty too. For avoiding confrontation.

In the midst of a time of great optimism and potential for change in this country I don't feel energized. I feel angry and sad because of the daily grind of being human.

How do you rise above that daily grind?

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