Friday, September 14, 2007


OK I should have posted this before I started but I was way excited to get going.

This blog is not being written by Tuna Girl for a little while it is being written by Tuna Man. The blog will NOT contain the usual “Sex in the city” humor you are use to. If you have noticed it contains just sexually explicit topics. Stop back after 15 days or/and after 105 days from today, WHY, 15 days is how long it will take before TG revokes my bloging privileges and 105 days I will be home and have ben…well I am not going to finish that comment, lets just say Sex will not be the first thing on my mind any more.

So why am I thinking about sex so much, it is easy they tell me I can not think about, look at or do anything sexually related. It is like if I told you, you can not think about ice cream. What are you going to do think about ice cream especially if you can not have it.

Thank you for all your comments, here is my next loaded question;

How do you know what your sexual preference is and when did you realize it?

I have to say I am a very straight man, with that being said I have ask the question am I gay? Nope I like girls way to much to be gay. Men just don’t interest me like a female does. Girls are just intoxicating and smell good and are soft and well just COOL (see I can not even put a sentence together when I am thinking about Girls). A girl can walk by me and her smell WOW can bring me to my knees, guys just don’t do it for me. All that being said I can pinpoint the time I realized I REALLY liked girls.

Do you see all the wavy lines of a flashback, good here we go.

It was my first dance, a 6th grade dance it was a Halloween dance and me and my best friend at the time Tom decided to go as the Blues Brothers. It should be a good time, hanging out with friends and then I got there and the lights were all low and the girls were all in their costumes. I meet up with Tom and I really don’t know what we did for the first little bit of time but then the first slow song came on and Dawn, the she jackal, tried dragging me out on to the dance floor. I puller the arm away just in time and she could not get a good hold of me.

Tom and I escaped, wow that was close, could you imagine having to dance with a GIRL. Then the next slow song came on and we timed it perfectly we were at the refreshment stand, sweet the night is almost over and we are in the clear it is almost 9pm and time to go home. Then it happened the last slow song of the night and this tall very developed girl stops Tom and asks him to dance, and he said YES, what is he crazy, don’t do it, it is a trap and she leads him onto the dance floor. What was he thinking you NEVER leave you wingman NEVER, how could he break this trust. He had to have seen Top Gun, Tom should know you NEVER leave your wingman NEVER, only bad things will happen when you leave your wingman. Wait what year is it, Dame Top Gun has not come out yet, DAME you Maverick.

So there I was a wide eyed, brown eyed boy that has been separated from the heard and helpless. "Be calm, escape, just RUN", and then it happen the Jackal pounced on her pray. Dawn grabbed my wrist and started pulling and dragging me to the dance floor. I did everything I could; there are still claw marks on the floor from me trying to get away. I started gnawing at my arm to try and get away but she kept pulling me to the deepest darkest place on the dance floor. Everyone I passed I pleated HELP. Then we arrived at where the carnage would take place. Dawn turned to me, I closed my eyes I could not look at what was going to happen, and Dawn put her hands on my shoulders and all I could say in a helpless small voice “be genital”

At this point I very vividly remember my brain dividing into two distinct voices in my head, my Big Brain (BB) and my Small Brain (SB) and they were determined to get me home safe. Here is how the conversation went in my head:

SB we stopped walking I will grab her around the waist and throw her to the ground and we can run away

BB no we don’t want to get in trouble or hurt her I will think of away out.

SB Let me know what you need me to do, I will put my hand right here and wait for the plan. Wow my hands are very sweaty I really need to wipe them off so I can be ready to go when BB give me the word. I will wipe them right here, that was her ass, quick move them off her ass. BB prepare to be hit.

BB bracing for impact

SB nothing! Hey that was cool I just touched a girls ass and you known it felt nice. I kind of like this, she smells good too.

BB OK this is what we are going to do, PASS OUT! We will make our knees all wiggly and fall to the floor then she cant dance with us any more. Ready GO! fall to the floor, what nothing happened, fall to the floor it is our only chance, DAME need to go to plan B

SB let me take a look and see if she looks mad at me or if she is just getting ready to bite my neck with her fangs and suck out all my blood and leave me here for dead. Look slowly don’t make her mad. She is cute nice sweet lips and no fangs. Wow I can t get over how good she smells ok now that I know she does not have blood sucking fangs, look away before I anger the beast. That was kind of nice, and you know she feels really smooth and squishy. Let me see if this works I will pull her closer to me and feel that ass again that was fun.

BB don’t do it she will kill us I will have plan B ready in a second

SB here I go…that’s nice she feels really good what is that rubbing against my chest OH! hee hee, moving my hands down going for it…WOW she did not pull away or slapping me or anything. This is really really nice I could get use to this. Oh wait a teacher I don’t want to get in trouble and give us my ass holding time quick move my hand up and put a little room between me and the Goddess Dawn.

BB Teacher HELP save ME…. wait where are you going Stop this…hey what song is this? It has a good beat…oh this is Stairway to Heaven good tune… wait back on track how to escape we have been dancing for EVER I will just tough it out. What song was this again; Dame the 12 min version of Stairway to Heaven. I am doomed, doomed.

SB good teacher is gone back to work.

BB I can deal with this! The music has a good beat, distract myself... ok now move your hips, good stay with the beat, watch her feet don’t step on them, don’t anger her.

SB this is NICE, soft and cuddly…..NICE

So the song ended and the lights came on and I thanked Dawn for the dance and I went to look for Tom to see how his luck went with the older 7th grader.

Ever since that day, girls GOOD!!

I wonder what would have happen to me if “Jack” grabbed me and took me onto the dance floor that night, my whole life might have changed. I had it easy I was a conformist. I conformed to what society expected out of me which makes it easier at a young age. So for all you boys out there who think I am smoking hot, I am sorry I like girls and specifically Tuna Girl.

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