Script of Life

My husband and I often joke about our script.

One time, years and years ago, we were arguing about something. And all I really wanted was for him to say one very specific thing. All he had to do was say that one thing and I would have been happy.

So I told him, "You're not following the script. Just follow the script and we'll be fine. When I ask, 'Am I weird?' you say, 'Honey, you're the most special and unique person in the world and I love you.' Okay. Got it? Now you'll know that for the rest of our lives."

Because so many times when I ask him something, I'm not really looking for an answer. I'm looking for reassurance. Or affection. Or just a simple compliment.

After all these years, he should know the script forward and backwards. Am I right?

When I ask him in an exasperated tone of voice, "What are you doing?" what I really want is for him to be doing what I'm doing.

When I ask him, "Do you have plans for dinner?" what I really want is for him to go buy me dinner. Preferably something with cheese.

When I ask him, "Are you tired?" what I really mean is, "Do you want to have sex?"

When I ask him, "Are you tired? Are you in a good mood?" what I really mean is, "Do you want to have kinky sex?"

And when I yell at him, "This house is a mess. Why don't you ever help out around here? Are you seriously just going to sit there? How can you do this to me?" what I really mean is, "I'm so sad that my friend is moving away. Won't you just hug me?"

I mean, come on! How can he not get that by now?