Friday, May 29, 2009

Time to Celebrate

Today is our last day at this school! Woo hoo!

I'm doing a happy dance complete with back flips! Woo hoo, again!

Yesterday the girl in my daughter's class who is switching schools with us leaned over and whispered to my daughter, "I can't wait to get out of here. Then I'll never have to come back to this place again!"

I had no clue that sweet girl was anything but happy.

My daughter leaned over and whispered back, "I know."

Happy dance, people. Join in with us!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Aim High

This morning I completely doused the kids in S.P.F. 70 sunblock so they wouldn't get burnt out at Field Day. Then I joined them on the field for a picnic lunch.

And wore exactly 0 S.P.F.

Whoops. Thanks to my v-neck t-shirt, I now have an inverted triangle burnt into my milky white skin.

And thanks to the pendent I always wear, I now have a milky white outline of a jet plane embossed on my skin.

So hot. And as close as I'll ever get to a tattoo.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Counting the Hours

My son, who wants to be a movie star when he grows up, was very unhappy with his grade's Spring show last Friday.

As we were walking to the car he motioned for me to lean close to him. Then he whispered, "That was the worst program I've ever been in."

"Why, Buddy?" I asked. I mean, I couldn't argue with him. But I wondered why he felt that way.

"It was just horrible!"

He ain't wrong.

The week before we went to see my daughter's school orchestra. They plucked out a few notes while a recording blared so loud that if you couldn't actually see the kids, you wouldn't have thought they were even playing. (And even then...)

I mean we weren't expecting a lot, but my husband took the afternoon off for that?

Last week my son asked me if I would please homeschool him for the rest of the year. Seriously. The most social child in the history of the world, wants to be homeschooled.

We have four more days. Three and a half now, really. And then we never have to see this school again.

I'm thinking of throwing a party. Academy here we come!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Sappy McSapperstein

A while ago, a dear friend asked me to come give a speech at a Military Appreciation Banquet in Louisiana this Friday. While I would have loved to have gone, given my speech, and spent the weekend with my old friends, I couldn't miss all the day-to-day stuff here.

So she asked if I would write a speech anyway and she would read it on my behalf.

I must admit, I've been putting it off. I knew I'd get all emotional while writing it. That's the only way to make a speech poignant, funny or meaningful. You have to really get into it.

I finally got the damn thing written this morning. And now I have a massive headache from all the crying.

My friend said that's only fair since it made her cry too and now she misses me more than ever. That's sweet and I love her, but the bitch made me write this crap in the first place.

Okay, I'm happy to do it. This organization means a lot to me and I somehow became the poster woman for military spouses back at our old base (which absolutely humbled and honored me).

But now I miss her and everyone else back in Louisiana even more too. And my eyes are burning and my head aches.

If I get invited again next year, I'm going.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Craig's Birthday Gift to Me

Oh, sure. Most people think he did this sexy version of "Oops!...I did it Again" for ratings and fun. But I know it was his secret love message to me.

Me. Me. Me.

(Craig Ferguson. Craig Ferguson. Craig Ferguson.)

What does it say about me that I think this is SO HOT!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Five Stars, Baby!

This is kind of weird.

In my never-ending quest to find good babysitters (just a couple more years until my daughter can sit for my son!!!!!!!!) I joined a sitter/parent web service-type-thing.

There are lots of ways to find sitters and to protect both the families and the sitters from danger the site offers background checks and reviews.

So you are supposed to review each sitter you hire. (No problem. Our sitter was awesome.)

But the sitter is supposed to review the family too.

Now, I have been rated and evaluated on lots of things in life. Performance. Appearance. Results. But I have never had a review like this. Our sitter was basically reviewing who we are as people, as parents, and as a family.

It's a good thing I am pretty damn confident or I would have been obsessing and checking the site all day long. Which I didn't. Nope. Not me. Uh uh.

I must say, it is one thing to hear that other adults really like your kids. (We got five stars, baby!) But it is another thing entirely when that adult's comments highlight the very values you have been diligently trying instill in your offspring for ten years.

Score! It all hasn't been in vain. Of course I knew that we were on the right track, but outside validation is always nice.

2009 and has been the Up with Tuna Family year. Go Team Tuna.

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Best Birthday Gift Ever

This doesn't make any sense! But I keep checking the math over and over again so it must be true.

I was thirty-years-old when I started this blog.

How could that possibly be? Today I turn 36. And I don't feel one bit older than I did back then.

Last night my husband took me to see Wicked here in town. I really enjoyed it. I had been hearing about Wicked for years and so I was very happy to finally see it. The production was great, but I am mostly impressed by the writing. In a thousand years, I could never come up with a story like that.

This morning my husband left a homemade card for me on the kitchen table. I have to admit, part of me thought, "Oh, that is so sweet!' and part of me thought, "Looks like someone forgot to buy a card." But mostly I thought it was sweet.

But for the lack of gifts (except for the Godiva chocolates that just showed up at my door by Express mail) and cake, this birthday had some serious highlights.

For one thing, my husband and I cleaned the house. He did a major portion of the work. I don't know if he even realizes it, but that is just about the best gift he could give me. I was completely overwhelmed and stressed out because I can never keep up with the work in this house.

We also found a really good, really reliable babysitter. A good babysitter is worth her weight in gold (and we pretty much paid her that much). This one is a high school science teacher with grown kids. She couldn't be more perfect.

And finally, seriously, the best gift I have ever received was an e-mail from an old bayou friend (and my former assistant softball coach). He wrote, "Thanks for getting (our school) started w/ softball last year. If it were not for you we would have missed the whole experience. We finished the season yesterday in 1st place w/ a record of 14-1. What you taught the girls (and me) along w/ (our new coach's) expertise just kept the girls growing the entire season. You should be proud of your softball legacy."

Oh, man. He has no idea what that means to me. Those girls were so special to me. I am so happy and proud to be able to start them off on the right foot in a sport I love.

In response, my husband sent me an email. "Congratulations on instilling the love of the game to another generation."

I think he may have hired a ghost writer. But mostly I thought it was sweet.

So I may be another year older and deeper in debt, but I am happy, in love, and have a clean house. Plus, I have chocolate. And it just doesn't get any better than that.

Friday, May 15, 2009

License to Age

The last time I went to the DMV, someone asked me what high school I went to.

This time? Not so much.

It's been a tough four years.

But next time? Well, the next time I have to go to the DMV will be when my daughter gets her license.

How freaking scary is that?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

You Can't Go Home Again

Do you know what's weird?

What's weird Tuna?

It's weird that my husband is TDY to our hometown.

It's also weird that I'm more stressed about this little five day TDY (business trip) he's taking then his six month or year-long deployment that's coming up, but I guess it's just because I'm especially stressed lately.

Anyway, this is the first time that he's traveled for work to the base near where we grew up. He spent the first day checking on our house (it's still there) and going to dinner with his father (long story). And he even took my brother out to lunch yesterday.

To me that's weird. I am so incredibly introverted that I would feel awkward taking my brother out to lunch. I never expected my husband to invite him. But he thinks I'm nuts.

"I'm going to a conference in his office!" he told me. "How can I not meet him for lunch?"

Even if I took my brother out to lunch out of obligation, I would feel worried and sick about it for weeks before. I just wouldn't know what to talk about. It's not that he's a bad guy. I just don't know him that well.

How sad is that?

Anyway, my husband said it was a really nice lunch. They talked about our kids and sports and work. "He's a really nice guy, when his bitch of a wife isn't around," he said.

That's funny. My mother said the same thing last week.

Anyway, it feels weird that my husband took a trip "home" without us. He has a rental car. He'll be in town for the Bruins' game seven at the Garden. (I wish he'd get tickets for himself but he said, "I couldn't do that to you.") He's even staying at the hotel where we spent our wedding night.

I hope he appreciates that my parents our out of town this week, or they would have guilted him into doing something.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Sunrise, Sunset

My daughter has started her own blog.

It may be time to pass the torch. Excuse me while I vomit.

She has a bunch of homeschooler friends from violin, including the redheaded menace (who my daughter insists is not mean but just doesn't know how to behave), and they all have blogs.


My husband's only comment? "Do you really think that is a good idea?'

Well, no. Of course not. But apparently blogs have trickled down to the under 10 set (a sure sign that they are SO OVER) and I am determined to use the opportunity to teach her about Internet security while she is still young enough to listen to me.

Happy Mother's Day to me. Someone pass the vodka.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Appreciate Me, Damn It!

Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. And I almost missed it!

Thank goodness the banner on my bank's web page reminded me. Now can someone call my husband and remind him too. (You might want to remind him about Mothers' Day and my birthday while you're at it.)

A big HURRAH to my fellow military wives today. We kind of rock, don't we?

Thursday, May 07, 2009

I Wish!

Right before we left our old school, a civilian friend of ours gave $250,000 to the school to start an endowment fund for military families. Cool, huh? He wanted any military family who wanted to attend the school to be able to, regardless of their financial situation.

He's kind of awesome. He didn't want any recognition or anything so they called it the Military Family Endowment and only announced his identity at the board meeting.

Yesterday, SW (one of my best friends from back on the bayou and the president of the school's parents' association) asked me if I could fly in for a military appreciation breakfast and presentation.

Since I can't make it, she then asked me to write a little something for her to read during the presentation to our endowment fund.

She said, "This year the parent's association would like to make a contribution to the endowment fund your family started. Is it called the Tuna Family Endowment?"

Um, no.

It's not.

Yes, my mother-in-law always makes very generous contributions to the school, but $250,000? Hell, no!

And us? I think we donated 75 bucks last year.

But, apparently, word got around that we started this quarter of a million dollar endowment.

If we gave a quarter mil, I'd want a damn building named after us.

Now I have to write an e-mail explaining this all to my friend and setting the record straight. That could be hard.

Huh. I wonder if I'll still have to write something for that presentation. That could be hard too.

"Dear fellow parents...we're not the generous rich fucks you think we are..."

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Why I'm Sucky and Boring

The next time you're sitting in a boring work meeting, think about this.

They say, write what you know.

Do you know what I know?

I know about sitting through an hour of mind numbing presentations by fourth graders.

I've seen a lot of really great school presentations over the years. I'm always amazed at what the teachers can get the kids to do and how creative their presentations are.

Yesterday...ummm...not so much.

Each fourth grader filled out a form about a breed of dog. And then they read the information on the form to the crowd with absolutely no preparation or practice.

By the fifth time I heard about how many cups of food a dog should have a day, I was ready to put a corkscrew in my brain.

Oh! And they handed out questions for the parents to ask. To which each and every kid replied, "I don't know."

I tried to intentionally choke myself with the little slip of paper my question was written on ("Are Irish Setters popular in the US?") but it didn't work. No rescue by EMT for me.

I couldn't even sneak out at intermission because my kid was dead last.

At least she mixed up her question responses with, "I'm not sure, but I think so."

After, there was a reception. I could have been completely invisible. The only people who talked to me, or even made eye contact with me were my daughter and her teacher. (And one very kind woman whose daughter is switching schools with us next year.)

Her teacher thinks my daughter was "amazing". "We saved the best for last!" she told me.

Um, okay.

Next year when she's whipping your school's ass in forensics, or someday when she's giving speeches for charitable foundations or starring on Broadway, be sure to remember that she didn't learn anything from you.

Okay, what was that I was saying about finding the happy? I'm happy I won't have to sit through another presentation like that ever again. There's an hour of my life I'll never get back, all for the love of my amazing kid.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Find the Happy!

At my daughter's league championship soccer game yesterday, one of my favorite girls sort of tripped over her own feet as she was hustling for a ball.

"Her heart was willing but her feet weren't able," I said and everyone laughed. (Yeah. I'm a card.)

But, you know, that could be a metaphor for my life lately. (Yeah. I'm a dork.)

I feel like negativity is completely permeating the world right now. Sure, the economy sucks, loved ones are sick, and some people are hopelessly jobless. I understand that. But I don't think it is an excuse for other people to be meaner, nastier, and more isolated than ever.

I'm trying to stay upbeat. I'm trying to chill. I'm trying to only obsess about the things that are really important.

But I keep getting dragged down into the muck. My heart is willing to be happy and free, but my head isn't able.

I'm just so tired. I'm tired of people. I'm tired of guilt.

You can't just cruise through life and expect to be happy. You have to make happy. You have to work at it. It's like a good marriage or partnership in that way.

I'm going to shift gears, right now, today. And force myself to find the happy.

Who's with me?

Friday, May 01, 2009

A Facinating Story about a Doughnut


Yesterday, I almost threw away a doughnut.

I know!

I had picked up two Dunkin Donuts on a whim (along with a hot chocolate because that's how I roll) on my way home from dropping off the kids.

I snuggled up on the couch to watch my crush Craig Ferguson (Craig Ferguson, Craig Ferguson, Craig Ferguson!) ate one doughnut, and then completely forgot that I hadn't eaten two.

I actually thought to myself, "Huh, I ate those awfully fast." And I thought to myself, "Huh, the bag I just balled up to throw away felt awfully full."

When it hit me...hello! There's a doughnut in the bag!..I was flabbergasted.

Who the hell have I become?

So did I unball the bag, fluff up my glazed doughnut and eat it?

You bet your ass I did. Do you know me at all?