Wednesday, August 31, 2011

As long as he doesn't come home with a tat, I'll keep him.

My husband and I have the kind of relationship where we can joke about divorce. We've been through so much and come so far that the thought of getting a divorce is actually laughable.

So he'll sometimes say, "Hey, I'm coming home early. Better kick your boyfriend out."

And I'll sometimes say, "Well, you better tell your next wife that upfront."

Or, you know, some other much funnier infidelity or divorce based witticism.

But I was recently joking about how he's going to be too good for me when he comes home from this deployment and he'll need to find a better wife, and it hit a little close to home.

You see, he always loses weight while he is deployed and comes home looking all hot. And that's when he's only gone for a few months. This time he's going to be gone a year! Can you imagine how buff he'll be by next June?

He's already lost about thirty pounds and he's lifting. For some weird reason, he always puts his shirt on when we Skype, but his biceps and shoulders are looking...well..damn. (What's with that shirt thing anyway? What? Is he shy? Or...oooh...maybe he isn't sure he can keep it PG.)

So he teases me that he's going to look like the guy in "my" video by the time he gets home.

Yes, yes he is teasing me endlessly about the video I posted here. I don't help matters when I say things like, "Oh, hey you know the guy with the gun at the end? He's Australian!"

And then my husband says, "Yeah, I haven't actually done any research on your video."

So I just had to tell him today that the buff boy who grabs his junk in that video has posted a few more to YouTube.

No, I don't sound obsessed at all. Why do you mention it?

So I'd post the video for the short/buff boy's many adoring fans but I don't want to suffer through more teasing. Plus, the is a good thing he is pretty. I just want to pat his head and say, "Aw, shhhh, honey. Just stand there and show your abs. You don't need to talk."

I guess I better get to the freaking gym (I usually gain weight when my husband is deployed, but this time I'm just losing and gaining the same five pounds over and over again.) If my man is going to come home all drool worthy, I don't want to be the wife people point at and say, "What is he doing with her?"

Besides, all divorce joking aside, I want to keep my man to myself. He's cute and I can stand to listen to him talk.

*Oh, all right Here is the video. Buff boy gets wet.

Oh, dang! Speaking of my is his birthday. Happy birthday, Honey. We love you!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Reason Number 498

One of the many of thousands of reasons I miss my husband when he is deployed is his ability to tie a tie. This is especially true since my son has to wear ties to school sometimes.

In the past I have had my long-suffering husband tie a tie before he deployed and then tried to keep the knot neat as my son pulled said tie on and off during the months Dad was gone.

Pathetic, I know.

This year, my daughter had to have a tie for her summer reading project, so I was on the hook again before the school year even started!

Learn to Tie a Tie ap to the rescue. Yes, there is an ap for that.

And here is my little photo journalist report of the outcome.

My first attempt. Eek.

My second attempt. Marginally better.
My third and final attempt. Good enough for a girl!

And that is how I make it through all the challenges of a deployment, big and small. In this case, very small.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Just Missed His Fifteen Minutes

The other night I was Skyping with my husband while he was getting ready for work. As he pulled his flight suit on I told him, "I should record this and post it on YouTube."

"Ha," was his reply. That is often his reply.

But later I realized, all I had to do was run that recording backwards, set it to some Britney Spears, and we'd have a YouTube hit on our hands.

Here's to private rooms. RHIP, baby.

Friday, August 05, 2011

Speaking Of...

I love how tall Anthony Edwards looks next to Tom Cruise. And Slider still does it for me, even after all these years.

This is classic.

My husband has enjoyed teasing me about the last video I posted. But he grew up in the Top Gun generation (there is a whole generation of military aviators who were inspired by Top Gun and my husband is old enough to be one of them) so lets see what he can say to tease me about this one.

Hi, Honey. Miss you! ;-)

Counting Days

We are seven weeks into this 52 week deployment. And I have been reduced to watching the volleyball scene from Top Gun over and over.

How am I going to make it another 45 weeks?

I haven't felt this desperate in a long, long time.

Every guy I see gets checked out. Even the way the guy near me at the movies today laughed was grabbing my attention.

Is this how men always feel? Or is it only seventeen-year-old boys?

I have a whole new understanding and appreciation for the way men are.

Ah, men.

51 days down. 314 to go.


Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Young Love

Last winter my friend told me her middle-school-aged son had a girlfriend. And I judged her.

Never mind that the topic only came up because my own daughter wanted to ask her son to dance at cotillion. But all I could think was he's in the seventh grade! That is too young. What kind of mother lets that happen.

But, oh...people in glass houses and all that.

About a month later in the Spring my daughter came home from play practice and told us that one of her best friends was "going out" with one of the boys from the theater group. Now, since this best friend also happens to be the daughter of one of the school heads (who didn't even let his daughter go to cotillion) my husband and I both asked the same question.

"What do her parents say about that?"

Well, as it turns out, after the boy asked her to "go out" she asked her parents permission. (Smart kid.) And her parents quite reasonably asked her what it meant to be "going out" with someone.

Apparently "going out" in my daughter's sixth grade universe meant...well...pretty much absolutely nothing. They don't actually see each other or hang out together or do anything different at all. I guess knowing that they'll all be graduating high school together in a few years they are just staking their claims now. I don't know.

So, yes we had heard that a certain boy (I wish I could use his real name because it is oh so perfect, but I must protect the innocent and all that)...(let's call him...Neal, shall we?) had told my daughter he was "into her" a few months before. But we hadn't heard much about it since then.

Neal, did however have my son's seal of approval of not being a bad kid. So that was good.

But not long after her friend started "going out" with her costar, Neal asked my daughter to "go out" too.

So my daughter asked our permission. (Smart girl.) And my husband (surprisingly reasonably) asked, "What does he mean by "go out" with you?" And of course it means, well, nothing.

And now my daughter is going out with a boy.

My daughter who just a couple of weeks ago turned 12-years-old and still has to be reminded to wash her hair has a boyfriend.

My glass house is shattered!

For years our friends and families and I have been joking about how intimidating my husband will be to any boy crazy enough to try to date my daughter. I mean, he knows what boys are like. I was 15 when he started dating me! And he's afraid that she'll turn out like me. (It's a very valid fear for a dad, believe me. I spent so much time trying to get my 16-year-old future husband in bed. Or to give it up in the car or wherever! Unsuccessfully, I might add. At least for a few years.)

But I was actually genuinely worried about how he would take her teen years. He's a very stubborn guy. And more than a little intimidating. Plus, his first meeting with his own future-father-in-law involved a gun, so...

I was worried.

But he has totally rolled with it. He's asked her a few times, "So, was Neal there?" or "So, did you tell Neal any of this?" and things like that. But mostly he has been totally fine with it.

I'm the freak.

I had to know more about this kid, so I broke out the kids' yearbook. Honestly, I was expecting kind of a geeky theater kid (sorry, guys!) like her best bud's boyfriend. But he was actually pretty cute and non-geeky.

So, I went on the school website and found out that he has two older twin brothers who just graduated from our school.

And now I know where he got his gutsy, sixth-grade manly man ways. (Can you imagine the conversations he had with his brothers?)

But his last name, and his dad's name seemed really familiar to me. (Never mind that his last name is as alphabetically as close to our last name as you can get and Neal and my daughter will have adjoining lockers for the next six years!)

So, Google, here I come.

It turns out that I had seen his dad's name on a wall in an art gallery. When he had his own show. As it turns out, his dad is kind of a famous sculptor. And he has got mon-ney! Serious money. Plus, he's the director of a very big charity in town.

Yes, I am completely nuts. I Google searched my daughter's sixth grade boyfriend.

But Neal was starting to look like a better and better candidate as a future son-in-law. Plus his dad has aged very very well, so there was that for my daughter to look forward to.

(See, completely nutso!)

A couple of weeks later I went to school to have lunch with my son. I was curious to watch my daughter in her native habitat interacting with her boyfriend. My son pointed out the pre-teen Lothario to me.

And I saw what was possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

At one point during lunch, my daughter was on one side of the deli line all by herself. And Neal was on the other side. Neal kept staring at her. And flipping his hair back at her. And trying to get her attention without actually saying anything to her.

And she completely ignored him

And now I know why Neal is interested in my daughter.

Guys love that chase, right!

My son and I thought that it was hilarious, but poor Neal. When I asked my daughter about it she had no clue what I was talking about. She hadn't even noticed him there making eyes at her.

But poor Neal did get to play the Gypsy King to her Gypsy Queen in the play. And they got to sing together and hold hands. (Eeeeeeek!)

Other than that I have no idea what they have done while they have been "going out".

Though she did write to me from summer camp and ask me for Neal's address. That is a letter I would have loved to have read. I wonder what his parents thought of it. Did he ask their permission to go out with a girl? I doubt it. Of course they also have eighteen-year-old twin football players, so they are probably used to a lot.

When she got back from camp I asked her about the dance they had with the neighboring boys camp. She didn't enjoy it. "Too many random boys asked me to dance," she complained.

"Did you dance with any of them?" I asked her.

"Of course not," she replied.

But I couldn't imagine why not. So, I asked her, "Why not?"

"Because of Neal!" she told me, like I really should have known that already.

And right there and then I knew that my husband has nothing to worry about. She is nothing like me.

I would have danced with every single one of those boys who asked me. Cute or not. No twelve-year-old playboy would keep me from having fun. In fact, I would have asked a few boys to dance with me.

So, we'll see how long Neal lasts. No matter what, I hope it ends well. Because the lockers could get quite awkward for the next six years if it doesn't.