I Hate Halloween

I know. I'm sorry. I've just never liked Halloween.

First of all, costumes creep me out.

Second of all, my parents had us so scared of poisoned candy and disappearing children, that I could never relax and enjoy Trick-or-Treating.

Third of all, I've never been good with costumes. Even as a little kid I went as a witch every single year. While my brother and his friends were being The Fonz, I'd don my black hat and scraggly dress, and wish I were a boy.

I do make a kick-ass witch, though.

Halloween is a big deal around here. People decorate their houses and everything. I'd never seen that in New England. The weather is mild enough that the kids don't have to wear coats over their costumes. And every church in town--and there are a hell of a lot of them--has a "Fall Festival" of some sort. (Notice my sarcastic quotation marks.)

And even Trick-or-Treating has survived here. Because I live on base, where people assume they can Trick-or-Treat safely, I am inundated with little monsters--I MEAN--children. They come through the base gates in vans overloaded with little Barbies and Ninjas. Every year I buy enough candy for 500 kids, and every year I run out.

But the topper of Halloween crappiness this year is that I have to go to a party at AH's house in just a couple of hours. She told me flat out that she is having the party to show off her new room. Nice.

I just convinced my husband to go with me, though. It will be nice to have reinforcements. But with the way people are pissing me off lately, I just may go insane and have to be carted off.

So if you see a little farmer with her little cow wandering the countryside, please keep them for me. I'll be by to pick them up as soon as my sanity returns.

Thank you.