The Newlyweds

When we reported to our muster station during the first hour of our cruise, we followed tradition and donned our snazzy lifejackets. One of us has a picture of that, but I'm not sure which one.

Our muster station was on the pool deck and it was raining. Most passengers huddled under the eaves. This is where we met our next-cabin-neighbors, the newlyweds.

The newlyweds were still dressed in their wedding attire at that point. Some of the ships' crew helped the bride slide her lifejacket over her up-do and onto her gown. She was quite the spectacle there in the rain. But her husband was the real eye catcher. Very hot. Very, very hot!

They had been married on the ship earlier, and they and about 20 of the guests would be cruising with us. Of course most of their guests were in the tiny cabins downstairs, but the bride and groom got to spend their wedding night puking out their wedding feast with the rest of us.


Poor babies. That has to be one sucky honeymoon.

But a couple of nights later, they were making up for it.

I had gone back to our room early, too ill to enjoy the cheesy show. At about 11:30, I heard a knocking. I thought my cruise-mates were returning, but there was no one at the door.

It took me a few minutes to realize that the newlyweds were finally getting it on. But there wasn't a whole heck of rhythm happening over there. Force, yes. (Our wall was shaking.) Finesse, no. And it was all over in about three minutes. Poor girl, I thought. Oh, well. Maybe she can teach him something.

I didn't feel too bad for her for long though. Because at 12:05, they started at it again. Still not much rhythm, and still barely over three minutes, but at least he was going for quantity.

I was sort of grinning over the whole thing, until the next morning when their thumpa-thump-thump-pause-pause-thump-pause-thumpa-thumpa-pause-thump woke us all up. Morning sex is fine and all, but do it in the shower or something and let the housewives next door sleep in.

Before lunch that day, we took the opportunity to enjoy the brief stint of nice weather on our balcony. There was only a thin divider between our balcony and the newlyweds'. And apparently they were being interviewed for a video tape or something.

The interviewer asked them, "How do you feel now that you are married?"

And I answer, "Horny."

Apparently I said that louder than I intended, because people three balconies down started laughing. Oh well. If you're gonna bang the walls on a cruise ship, your floor-mates are gonna know about it.

My friends were both amused and shocked at me. "K!" they exclaimed. "We never would have expected that from you."

"What?" I asked. "You thought I was sweet and innocent? Where the heck did you get that idea."

Which only goes to show you that I have them all fooled, eh?