Dance, Baby, Dance

Ever since Patrick mentioned children's television programming the other day, I have been paying even more attention than I usually do to what my kids watch on TV. And I've always known it, but let me say for the record...

There is some freaky ass shit on children's programming.

Of course we all know about the Teletubbies because of the brouhaha over Tinky Winky. But even without the boy's purse, that show is still very odd.

And the same people now make a show called Boobah. Personally, I think Boobahs are even worse. The kids saw it once and loved it, but I won't let them watch it. I told my daughter that Boobahs didn't have anything to teach her, like language skills or values. She told me that it's just because they can't talk because they don't have mouths. Then she decided that they had mouths, but they were tucked down in the necklines of their shirts.

Whatever, Baby Girl. No Boobahs. I wonder what they were smoking when they came up with these concepts.

My son's favorite thing in the world is Thomas the Tank Engine. In general I think this is fine. The show is very value-based. And he spends hours in his room playing pretend with his Thomas the Tank Engine Railway Set.

But the narration on the show is done by either Alec Baldwin or George Carlin.

Yup, you heard me right. George Carlin narrates a children's show. He actually does an excellent job, but I keep expecting the seven dirty words to spew forth at any moment.

Now, Patrick may have been down on the Disney Channel, but they actually have some good programming for preschoolers early in the day. And they don't have commercials, which is nice. They fill in the time between shows with mini shows.

Their latest mini show is Go Baby. And it features the most disturbing baby on television since Ally McBeal danced to the ticking of her biological clock.

Go Baby is a real baby, of whom they must have shot hours of video tape. Then shots of the infant's movements and expressions are used to animate it. Freaky. (It's nice that the heavy-set guy from Mad About You and Spin City is finding work though.)

I believe this is only one step away from cloning. Maybe the childless can line up for their own animated baby. All of the coos and cries, none of the pee and poop.

*****
UPDATE
I hate it when my friends show me up. So I'm trying out a new way of responding to comments. What do you guys think?