"When masturbation has lost its fun..."

It's funny.

Just when I think to myself...

Okay. You have some alone time. You're not expecting any calls. No one should be e-mailing. The kids are fast asleep. Relish it. Do something for you. Accomplish something. Do something you enjoy just for you. Get motivated. Or relax. But enjoy this solitude...

I get lonely.

And I seem to fill my time with absolutely nothing. So that suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and I'm still awake, and I haven't done a thing to make myself happy.

I'm bored. And I suck at being bored.

It's been two weeks now since my husband left. They say that the first two weeks are the hardest. And I've had my bad moments. But all in all, it's been fine.

The first week crawled and this last week flew. I've become even closer to a few friends. And I've become even more distant with the ones who drain me. (Well, just the one. I haven't talked about AH in a while, but I have a story to tell soon.)

This weekend has been hard because my daughter is off of school for four days. I would have loved to hop in the car and get away with the kids. But because of AH, I was stuck in town. And the kids are bored, despite going to the movies and a birthday party.

When it is just the three of us, the time drags. Daddy's being home on the weekends usually provides us with entertainment and stimulation. But with just the three of us, we watch too much TV and just make a mess.

So, next weekend we are going to Dallas. Next weekend we are getting a new puppy. Next week I will sleep, at least a little. Next week I will go to the gym. Next week we will go to the library and the park.

But for now, I'm still bored. And lonely.

And I miss him.