"Like a cross between Sex and the City and Erma Bombeck, and that's a good thing."
--Jeffrey Ricker

Monday, January 03, 2005

What I Learned in 2004

I'm not one to make resolutions. At least not on New Year's Day.

And I'm not one to look back and remember the year that was. Mostly because I can never remember what happened.

But this year, for the first time, I have a written record of my life over the past ten months. I may not be able to remember January and February of 2004. But the rest of my year is just a link away.

And here is what I learned this past year.

Tuna Girl is a stupid name for a blog.
But I'm a huge dork. What do you expect?
My husband doesn't like my decorating.
And he doesn't like my underwear.
You guys love my boring stories.
Even my birth stories, you bunch of freaks!
And my puke stories too!
I talk about my boobs way too much.
And I talk about penis too much too.
And asses for that matter.
Alluding to anal sex on your blog makes you popular.
But admitting to anal sex will make you legendary.
Talking about Edward Penis Hands will fuck up Internet porn searches for months and months.
Porn can be a lethal weapon.
Call me Sweetie and I'm all yours.
Embarrassing myself is fun.
Embarrassing my friend is even more fun.
But I'll pay for it in spades when my friend guest blogs and gets me in trouble with my husband.
Talking about PMS is fun too.
An astounding number of you actually believed that these were my teeth.
You should never ever joke about your husband's infidelity.
One little blog post about feeling lonely can be the impetus for a wonderful new friendship.
A friendship that will lead you to New York City and even more wonderful friendships.
Speaking of which, posting photos of bloggers will triple your hits. Can you imagine if they were all naked?
Oh. And don't forget that you can complain in your blog about never seeing Avenue Q. A blogger will promise to take you, and actually see his promise through!
And by the way, you can take the boy off the stage, but you can't take the stage out of the boy.
Your sex life can improve after 30.
Y'all are responsible for my hot sex life.
I can be pretty damn shallow when I'm horny. Which is all the time.
You can learn a lot on a Mexican cruise. Including the fact that I'm fucking snarky!
My husband thinks he's damn funny.
I can actually learn to say, "I love you."
And I can learn that you guys love me--PMS, sex-obsession, snarky comments, Gates-of-Hell teeth and all.

So I had a great 2004. It was a time of transition for us. But it was also a time of meeting challenges and making new friends. And I'm going to enjoy these new friends for years to come.

Love you guys!

Tuna Girl - 11:00 AM - - - #