"Imitation of a Life"

An original play.
Book by Tuna Girl and Cassidy Will.
Songs by Stephen Sondheim.
Choreography by Susan Stroman.
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Notice:
The part of TUNA GIRL will be played by CASS in the form of a SOCK PUPPET.

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STAGE: Bare, except for a small plywood BOX with a window cut in the middle. The BOX is painted a garish red with gold trimming.

A SOCK PUPPET appears in the window.

SOCK PUPPET: Hi everybody! I'm Tuna Girl! Welcome to my life! I'm glad you made it! We're all going to have just a rip-snortin' good time here, I can tell. I will be presenting y'all with a series of questions about Tuna G--I mean about ME, and my answers to those questions also. There will be laughter, there will be tears, but I think we will all come out of this as better people than we were at the start. There's a whole world contained in these words, my friends, if you are unafraid to let them enter your life and transform you. So just sit back, open your mind, and enjoy the show!

Exit SOCK PUPPET.
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Question #1: Which would be worse to spend 12 hours in a room with, a rabid pit bull or a CD of accordion music/yodeling set on "Continuous Repeat"? Explain.

Tuna Girl's Answer: Ha! I’m terrified of dogs. There is no accordion music/yodeling in the world bad enough to drive me into a room with any sort of rabid animal.

When I was 2-years-old my parents bought a German Sheppard. I named her Puppy. She had to be the sweetest dog ever born. But I was terrified of her. My parents were so worried that my fear of dogs would turn into a phobia that they bought me a Maltese. Because, you know, a mop with four legs will help me realize that all dogs aren’t bad.

When we got married, I wanted a wee little puppy of my own. So my husband returned from a TDY with a Siberian Husky. Yeah. Thank, Hon. Not exactly what I was looking for. His step-mother had bred Shit-Zu’s and he had to give his bedroom up to them and sleep on the couch for a major portion of his childhood. Therefore, he had to have a BIG dog.

The Husky was lonely all day, though, and we sort of fell into getting an Akita as a playmate for him.

That dog was my baby, until I had actual babies. Then when my husband was deployed, the Akita suddenly went blind and became very aggressive, even to me. I had to have him put to sleep. So now, I’m right back to being afraid of dogs. I loved that damn dog with all my heart, but you just never know what an animal will do.

When the Husky dies, we’re getting a Maltese or Pug. Or some equally tiny animal. My husband just doesn’t know that yet.

Besides, who says yodeling is so bad. If Jewel can do it, I can put up with it.