My Most Shallow Post

Okay. Those of you with delicate constitutions should look away. Look away, I tell you! If the peanut butter and mayonnaise didn't turn you off my blog forever (Seriously people. Who would eat such a thing on purpose? Gag. Choke. I think I threw up a little!) then this is sure to do the deed.

I am so horny I could die.

I'm so horny that I was turned on by the twins on Queer Eye last night.

I'm so horny that Joe from Blue's Clues is looking pretty yummy.

I'm so horny that I'm trolling the internet for pictures of hot men.

Speaking of which, y'all need to stop being so friggin adorable! You're making me crazy!!!

What's going on here? I mean, my husband has been away before, you know. I always get a little horned up when he's gone. But usually he's been gone for a couple of months before I get myself into this state. Jeeze! I can't think of anything but sex.

It doesn't help that this hot man has been staring at me from the top of the magazine rack in the living room.




I'm a sucker for hockey players anyway, but this shot just makes me want to dive right into those hockey pants.

And then to make matters worse, I get this magazine in the mail today.




With this lovely picture of Jake on the inside.




Now, I was never a huge fan of Jake Gyllenhaal before, but put a man in some wet clothes and my knees get weak. I hate disaster movies (don't we get enough of that in real life?) but I bet I could convince my husband to see his new movie with me.

For someone who isn't hung up on looks, my blog has gotten pretty damn shallow lately. It's amazing what a little sexual frustration can do.

You know, people always say that men reach their sexual peak at 18 and women at 30. From personal experience, I'd say that's pretty true.

You know those ads in the back of porn magazines that advertise services from bored housewives. I've become that stereotype. It doesn't help that I haven't even heard from my husband in days. The last contact we had was exchanging suggestive text messages five nights ago.

Okay. I could go on and on about sex. But I'm probably making you all a little sick. So to maintain what little dignity I have left, I shall just leave you with this.

If you are married to me and you read my blog, find some personal time and CALL HOME! I'll make it worth your while.