Installment #3

What's your motto?
Decide you’re cool and go with it.

I also find myself saying, “Be nice to each other,” and “How many things can Mommy do at one time?” and “Please don’t make a huge mess,” at least a couple of times every day.

Write a personal ad for yourself, as if you were trying to find and meet your husband.
Ha! If I were writing a personal ad, it probably wouldn’t be to meet the man of my dreams. I’d probably be advertising for kinky sex. But if I were…hmmmm….

“SWF seeks SM with large feet. Must be able to install light bulbs, mow lawn, and support me in a manner to which I’ve become accustomed. I’ll make it worth your while.”

Because when it comes right down to it, a large manhood, domestic skills, and enough money to keep me happy are all a man really needs. I can take care of the rest.

[Editor's Note: Ayyyyyy-men, sistah.]

Have you ever quit a job without having another one lined up? Why or why not?

I’ve quit lots of jobs (see Tuna list #1) and I’ve never had another one lined up. That’s partly because we moved a lot on very short notice. But it’s also because I really hated every job I ever had. To me, working for someone else feels like prison. I need freedom! If I ever have to work again, I’ll go back to freelance writing. But other than that, I’ll be one of those Ladies Who Lunch. Well, a lady who lunches between running the PTA and coaching soccer and planning parties and carting the kids around.

[Editor's Note: It's kind of refreshing to hear a full-time mom describe her life as "freedom." :)]

What was your worst subject in school? Best subject? Explain.
School was pretty easy for me, but my absolute worst subject was French. I suck at languages. My four-year-old knows more French than I do, and I even took it in college.

Oh! I had to cheat to pass typing too. I would memorize the passages and then look at the keys as I type. I don’t even come close to using the home keys. Thank god my school had computers and I could backspace my way to a B.

My best subject was gym. We actually had exams in gym class. And I could hurl a dodge ball with the best of them.

[Editor's Note: Cheat to pass typing??]

14. Do you have any regrets?
The only regret I have in life is that my family isn’t more open. I keep thinking that if I confronted them and brought it out into the open, they would change. But I doubt it. Of course, I don’t have the guts to try, so I can’t complain.

When my brother called to tell me that his last baby boy was born, I forced myself to tell him I loved him. I don’t think I’ve talked to him since. It’s been eight months. We talk through my mother. It made me wonder how much I really love him at all. I know I’m supposed to, but I don’t really know him. How can I love someone I don’t know?

I should get to know my brother. I always tell my kids that they have to respect each other, because your sibling will be your special friend your whole life. I wish that were true for me.

Which would you rather be: ridiculously wealthy, divinely beautiful, dazzlingly clever, or angelically good?

Ridiculously wealthy. It sounds shallow, but I don’t care. Beauty fades and isn’t important anyway. Being clever can just be annoying. And goodness! Ha! That would make me pretty boring in bed. Money brings security to you and yours. As long as I can keep everything else I already have, I’ll take the money, please.

Complete this sentence: Life is too short to...
wear costume jewelry.