Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Mother

I think I must be one of the all-time worst mothers.

I let my kids drink juice. Lots of juice and chocolate milk.
I let them eat in front of the television.
I make them take a nap everyday.
Even if they don't sleep, they're not allowed out of their rooms.
I make them both go to bed by 7 p.m. every night.
I don't give them a bath everyday.
I don't always make them pick up their toys.
I don't listen to kids' music in the car.
In fact, I listen to my own iTunes mixes.
My son knows the words to Lady Marmalade (Gitchy Gitchy Ya Ya).
I sing Beyonce songs as lullibies. (Baby Boy)
I've never once taken them to Mom's Day Out.
I rarely go to Chucky Cheese.
But I do buy them fast food.
I give them frozen waffles for dinner.
I let them eat dropped food off the floor (10 second rule).
I tell them they can get a puppy when our old dog dies.
I let them wear pajamas all day sometimes.
And worst of all, when somebody says something mean to them, I tell them to say, "Whatever!"

Obviously, I'm not fit for motherhood. The authorities will read this and come take my children away any moment.

Sometimes I just think and wonder at all the ways I'm screwing up my children. I think about all the things they'll have to tell their therapist about their mother.

I hope they'll be able to say, "She loved us with all of her might." And I hope that is good enough. Because it is the best I have to give right now.