Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Don't fuck with me, boys.*

*I shouldn't be allowed to use this quote because I've never seen the movie and I can't remember the name of the actress who said it. But it still sums it all up for me. And see! I didn't even get it right! It's good to have gay friends to point these things out to me.

I've had a bad couple of days. I've moved past sad and lonely for the time being and have moved on to pissed.

And let me tell you, when Tuna Girl ain't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy.

I only slept for about two hours last night.

And let me tell you, when Tuna Girl is tired and cranky, ain't nobody gonna be happy.

I was in a bad enough mood last night to tell Patrick, "Don't argue with me. Don't fucking piss me off. Just say, 'Yes, Ma'am.' and move on." I said it good-naturedly though, so don't worry. It's also not the first time I've said that to him. Interestingly, I don't think he's ever said, "Yes, Ma'am."

I was in a bad enough mood to ask my husband to call me at about 1:30 a.m. He made me feel better while we were talking, but I was mad on his behalf when I was trying to fall asleep.

Here is the thing about me that everyone should know: You can mess with me, and I'll probably give you a few chances before I write you off. But fuck with the people I love, and there will be hell to pay.

Except that, well, there rarely is hell to pay. Because I am mature enough to realize that the adults who I love can take care of themselves. My stepping into the situation will only ever make things worse. So I grit my teeth and try to be classy. (My kids, though, are a whole other story. They're my cubs.)

But I've noticed something lately, and it is really bothering me.

The men in my life all seem to share one characteristic. They care too much and for too long. And I'm talking about every single man in my life. Even my father.

They care long after they should. They still care after they've been burned over and over again. They put themselves out only to get shit back.

I think it is all about obligation and loyalty. And I think that I tend to associate with men who have very good hearts.

But it kills me. I can only tell them so many times to drop this person from their circle of friends or slice this family member from their lives. They will never see it my way.

So I'll be there to offer support when the shit hits the fan. I'll be there when they are ignored and forgotten. I'll be there to admire the men that they are and let them know that I love them.

But it still pisses me the hell off.

And that is why I should be nowhere near a blog today. Because I will always be honest. But I will never be spiteful. And I'm feeling rather spiteful at the moment.

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