Because someone spilled chocolate on my white-haired dog, and he's not here to blame.
And some more real reasons...
There is only one person in the world that I can share things with, and just in the sharing the things are less important. That person is my husband. And he is far away.
We still talk, of course, and he doesn't say anything profound or important, but he is my partner. We're a team and the very fact that the entire team is informed of a matter makes the resolution or closure within reach.
I miss being able to look in his eyes and know intuitively what he is feeling. I miss knowing that he can look in my eyes and do the same.
My friends call, they send thoughtful gifts, they let me know they care, and it helps. A lot. It cheers me and helps me make it through a few more hours. I love them and appreciate them more than they'll ever know.
But they are not him. There is no substitute.
I've gotten to a point in this deployment when casual acquaintances are starting to ask me if he is home yet. When I say that he won't be home for about six more weeks, they always say some version of the same thing. "Oh, that's not so bad. You're in the home stretch. He'll be home any day now."
And I just have to grit my teeth and think, "Yeah! You try it."
If he were leaving for a six week TDY today, it would seem like he'd be leaving for a very long time. The fact that he has already been gone for three months makes it much worse. Not better.
It's like running a race. My legs are already burning. My lungs are already on fire. Being in the home stretch might help you see the finish line, but it still hurts like hell.
I can only imagine what a year-long deployment is like. I have it good, and I know it. But it still hurts like hell.
*The picture is of his grandmother's house.