"Since when do you like tattoos?"

A few days ago, my husband read my blog from beginning to end.

Now, he's known about my blog from almost the very beginning, and he's always been supportive of it. He's read a little here and there, but never more than a few posts at a time. And he's never read the comments.

I guess reading it all in one sitting like that gave him a very different impression. He wasn't happy.

Ironically, it wasn't the stuff that you would think might shock him that he was upset about. I mean, think of some of the things I've written in the last month. I've written about our sex life and where he hides porn. But that didn't bother him.

He thinks that he comes off like a real jerk. A "prick," to use his words. I think that's insane. If anything, I think I often get too gooey and sentimental when I talk about him. I've even tried to talk more about his faults, just to present a balanced picture of our real life.

But, I think it's like a photograph. You never really can see yourself objectively.

In fact I explained this to him by using our engagement portrait as an example. There was one shot that he absolutely loved. I thought I looked like Miss Piggy. But he insisted on at least getting a 5X7 for himself. He kept it in his room in college. He thinks I look beautiful. I loathe that picture.

There was one particular post where he thought I was saying something that I wasn't that really bothered him. Luckily, once I figured out what he was talking about, we were able to clear that up.

He also questioned why I would want to blog at all. I think he feared that I felt like something was missing from my life. It was hard to explain, but I basically asked him to think of my friends and my lifestyle. And then think about how complex I am. I told him that I just need to share more of myself than is possible with my ultra-Christian, officer wife friends.

But talking about my blog, our insecurities and our life has really seemed to move us into an even closer and more mature place in our relationship. I didn't think that was possible. I still feel bad about the whole situation. But he calls it, "Water under the bridge."

In the midst of our talk about it, I was completely sure that I would be deleting the whole blog the next morning. There is just nothing in the world that is more important to me than him. But he asked me not to. In fact, he ordered me not to. I think he sort of gets it now, in a way that he didn't before. And that's good.

But the whole situation has caused me to have a serious case of writer's block. I just don't want to piss him off again right now. I know him pretty well, and I doubt that he'll be reading again for a while, but still.

Tonight he sat down with the TiVo remote and started watching car shows. He turned to me and said, "Are you going to go blog?"

Yeah, sure. He wants me to blog when it fits his purposes. Like when he wants to get rid of me so he can watch Trucks! in peace.

So I've decided to stop censoring myself. It's back to the old me here at the blog. It's just something I have to do. And if he doesn't get it now, he will. Because I discovered something while I was sobbing in his arms a few night ago.

Our love really can conquer anything. Even a blog.