Thursday, April 08, 2004

Oops I did it again!

Damn. I did it again. I read some other blogs before posting on my own. I was going to write about the sex and hockey conversation my husband and I had last night. I've also been meaning to write about what I've learned from blogging. But no. Mark mentioned plastic surgery and now you're all in for another long story about the Tuna Girl.

When I was in junior high I got braces. I actually had to have this torture device across the roof of my mouth that spread my upper jaw. I was supposed to turn a little metal key in it twice a day to make it spread. That was awful and extremely painful.

Anyway, once my teeth were straight, I was supposed to have surgery to push my bottom jaw back. I didn't want to do it. I wasn't an extremely attractive teen, but I think I had my own unique physical charm. I even did some modeling and stuff and photographers always told me that they loved my jawline. I thought my face was fine, and I didn't want to mess with it. But they told me it was a medical necessity. The doctors said it would get worse over time and that I'll eventually have trouble even eating.

Well, the time came for the surgery and they did a growth study to see if I had finished growing. I was about 16 or 17 at the time. I was so glad when they said I still had some room to grow and needed to wait a year or two for the surgery. By the time I was in college, my parents had sort of forgotten about it. They would still mention it from time to time, but they never made me go get it done. I had successfully avoided the surgery.

I'm an idiot. Now I really need to have it done. Over the years, my underbite has gotten so bad that my teeth don't even meet anywhere. And I'm in constant pain. It's been at least three years of headaches and jaw pain. I got kind of used to it, but after my son was born, I couldn't take the pain anymore.

So what do I need to do to prepare for this surgery? Get braces. Yup. It's hell. Because my jaw was so messed up, my teeth got more and more crooked over the years to compensate. I've been wearing braces now for about a year and a half. I got the clear kind, but people still stare at my teeth. I look young anyway, but since the braces strangers ask me what high school I go to.

So this summer I am having major facial reconstruction. By now I'm actually excited about it. Erin had a similar surgery and she went from being cute to being really pretty. People who've had it done say that it is very satisfying. But they also say that it feels like you've had your face broken in a car accident. Whoopee!

I'm just looking forward to being able to read an entire bedtime story without pain. And I'll admit that I'm looking forward to the weight I'll drop while my jaw is wired shut.

So if you call me on the phone this August and get only a muffled "MMph" in answer, that will be me.

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