Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I've Got a Friend

Alternately titled: Tooting My Own Horn

Alternately titled: Blowing Smoke Up my Own Ass

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Making friends as an adult is just like dating. And being in a military environment, where people come and go so fast, makes the process even harder.

Since CB moved away (and AH is soon to go too) I've felt pretty friendless. Oh, I have my blogger friends. And you guys rock. Seriously. And I'll always have Patrick, but it isn't the same as having a friend close by who you can share your daily trials and tribulations with.

So I've been purposely trying to be open to making new friends.

But I've been feeling pretty crappy lately. I've been feeling like I'm buried in commitments without anyone to lighten the load. I've been feeling ugly and stuck and tired and like my kids will never grow out of this stage. I've been feeling like a troll.

But isn't it amazing how every once in a while someone reaches out to you, just when you need it most.

There is a women whose kids are in the same classes as my kids who I've always liked. She had braces when I did, and she was one of the few "in" moms to ever make a point to talk to me. She used our braces as an ice breaker. She's thin and beautiful in a very Barbie way, which would usually make me hate her on principal. But, you know, CB was thin and beautiful too.

I think I'm going to call her SW.

SW sweet talked me into serving on the hospital board last year. I thought she was just flattering me at the time. But she is really a very sincere woman. Actually, she's a pretty wonderful person in every way.

Last night, I sent an e-mail to all of the class parents about some room mom stuff. And she sent the following reply back to me.

"By the way, you have absolutely set the bar for all of us who might potentially decide to be room mother in the future!! Seriously, I can't thank you enough for all of your efforts. Your hard work was evident with each program, holiday and event! I have been amazed. Also, on a side note (since I'm being honest) You truly exude the kind of genuine warmth and kindness that is absolutely worthy of praise! Your quiet confidence, (that I used to mistake as shyness) is enviable! Thanks for all that you did this year to make it so special."

She's changed my entire outlook on life with that one e-mail.

She didn't have to do that. She didn't have to take the time or risk to express herself that way. And she's said these kinds of things to me in person before. But she tagged the three qualities I think are most important in just a couple of sentences.



Quietly confident.

That is all I ever really hoped to be.

I don't see myself ever really being a part of her group. For one thing, I can't afford it. For another, I don't have the childcare options they do. And for a last, I'm a huge dork who never fits in anywhere. (Okay, that's not really true. But it is that kind of feeling that keeps me from inviting myself on their annual girls' weekend like AH did.)

But when I see SW at carpool today, she's getting a big hug from me.

Sometimes I need a reminder that people like me. People actually like me. I'm a likeable person. Who would have thought?

I hope that in my own way, I've done for someone else what SW did for me today. I hope I have at some point been that well-timed friend to tell someone how I really feel. Because I can't really give that gift back to SW, but I can pass it on.

It's time to get over my phone shyness and give CB a call.

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