I'm feeling a little out of sorts today. Sort of weird, embarrassed, and antsy. Do you know the feeling? A series of weird things has happened that make me feel this way.
First, on Mothers' Day I was taking a lovely little nap when my husband came and woke me up. "Your brother's on the phone," he said. Now my brother only calls me on my birthday, when someone has given birth, or when someone dies, so I asked, "Who?"
"Your brother," he replied. "He wants to talk about your father and another family member." He said it in this gruff way that he sometimes has of talking. I just assumed that someone had died.
It turned out to just be my nephews who wanted to wish me a Happy Mothers' Day. But, whew. For a moment there, I was steeling myself to do that strong daughter thing that I'm so good at.
Next, my mother and I took the kids to Applebee's for lunch. A group of people sat behind me, and one guy was just obnoxious. I figured that he must be the boss, and the other's let him be so obnoxious because they'd like to keep their jobs. It turns out that he was a "preacher" and all the people with him were also preachers or "educators" at his congregation.
They talked about nothing but god and jesus for the next half hour. Some of the hateful things they said, couched in religious right, made my temper ignite. I rarely talk religion, because my beliefs are so far from what most of the people in my life believe. I'm fine with that, but getting into a religious discussion always leaves me feeling, well, queepy (as my husband would say).
But, their talk got my brain going. And last night I had a terrifying dream. I woke up with gooseflesh and that feeling that my hair was standing on end. I don't remember details, but I had told someone I didn't believe in their god, and their god proved he existed by picking me up and slamming me into the ground.
Next, I got one of those hateful comments that people like to leave on my blog. I think it concluded with something about how jesus rocks their world. Now, considering I've never spoken of religion in this blog before, I assume they were being hateful because I am gay-friendly. (I hate that term but I'm not sure what else to say.)It made me feel oddly embarrassed. I've had some hateful things done and said to me over the years, because I have gay friends, and it always sucks. But, DAMN. If I get this much flack, how much flack do my gay friends get?
I get so angry on their behalf. And, well, on my own behalf too. Because I don't want my kids to grow up in a world ruled by hate. And this might sound weird, but my gay friends always seem to be especially wonderful people.
Lastly, I have this friend AH who has been driving me insane. You'll all be treated to a nice little ranty post about her soon. But her main crisis right now is that she is trying to choose a school for her daughter. This women couldn't make a decision to stand up if she were drowning in a bathtub. Anyway, it caused me to make the comment, "I didn't want to send my kids to a religious school, so we only had one choice." And as soon as the words left my mouth, I felt like I was being judged and found pathetically lacking.
There's nothing I hate more than this out of sorts feeling. I hate having to watch everything that I say. But I know from experience that the best way to get over it is to vent and move on.