I'm pretty sure that if you've been following along, you know by now that appearances mean very little to me. But I feel like the last few days have been all about appearances for me. Well, appearances and my breasts. I don't know why my breasts are such a popular topic these days, but here goes.
Okay, first of all, I suddenly realize that I am going to be going on a vacation. Not a family vacation, but I real romantic get-away. Well, it will be as romantic as it can be traveling along with my husband's fellow worker bees and their assorted spouses and families. But there will be plenty of time by the pool, a formal event, and visits to clubs and such. And suddenly I am feeling very...matronly.
Add to that Toddy's awesome post from today, Mark's barrage of pictures, David's post on fashion, my shopping excursion for formal wear and vacation appropriate clothing, and numerous references to my breasts, and man. But I am tired of thinking about looks.
It's not that I think I'm ugly. I'm not. I'd say I am pretty average looking. I actually think that I was born with some pretty good assets. And there have been times when I was downright hot. Unfortunately, I never realized I was hot during those times. It is only in hindsight that I can see my attractiveness. If you met me at a party you'd probably think that I was a work in progress. The braces aren't exactly helping my self confidence.
Anyway, I keep reminding myself that most people are so wrapped up in their own insecurities that they aren't really looking at you. They're just wondering what you see when you look at them. I keep reminding myself that I don't have to be a size 6 to have fun.
I received a birthday card from my parents (a few days late but I guess since they gave me life I'll let them away with it) that sort of made me blush. I should preface by saying that my family is very subdued and a little distant and cold when it comes to affection. It's not that we don't love each other a lot, it's just that we don't know how to show it. I should also add that my mother has told me that she loves me twice in the last week. I was probably a little girl the last time she told me that.
Anyway, this card said, "Ask me what beauty is and I will show you my daughter." That's pretty damn sweet.
Okay. Enough blathering. On to the breasts.
Since my husband had to take a couple of suitcases today, he also schlepped along my gown so I wouldn't have to pack it myself. Which means that I spent last night trying on my closet full of gowns trying to find the right one.
There is one in particular that I don't really like (I bought it in desperation) but my husband loves. My trying it on led to this conversation.
Him: I like that one.
Me: Really? I don't know. It shows so much cleavage.
Him: That's what happens when you have big tits.
Me: (Slaps him in the stomach) I hope that hurt. It hurt my hand.
Him: What do you want me to say?
Me: I don't have big boobs.
Him: Yes, you do. The bra straps are pretty sexy too.
Me: Ugh. I'd have to buy a new bra.
This precipitates me going to the mall to buy a new bra. Which leads me to the formal dress section, which leads me to buy a brand new, military-wife-appropriate gown.
Upon arriving home we have this conversation.
Him: (Referring to the dress) I like it. It's perfect for this event.
Me: Yeah and it was the first thing I tried on. It took me twice as long to find a bra. Why would I want a bra with padding. I have plenty of padding on my own. And I don't want to maximize. I want to minimize. It's hard to find a **insert bra size here**.
Him: Holy shit. You wear a **insert bra size here**. I didn't know you were that big.
For the record, I do not have big boobs. Repeat. I do not have big boobs.
Okay. I might be in boob denial.