Bible Thumping

So, all this talk of school has me thinking about my own scholastic endeavors.

I went to public school until the fifth grade, and then asked my parents to send me to private school. I specifically chose the Catholic one because I thought it was all-girls. It turns out that it had been, but starting that year, boys would be admitted to the junior high.

There were three dozen girls, and one dozen boys in my class. I immediately developed a crush on the one who was sprouting some facial hair. Since the girls outnumbered the boys 3 to 1 and the teachers were used to an all-girl environment, it was still a very feminist place to be educated.

I have fond memories of my seventh grade teacher, Sr. Julie Vincent. Sr. Julie taught history, religion, and art. She was one of those teachers who made her points rather dramatically. I specifically remember her throwing a tissue box across the room to illustrate how the gospel writers could have all seen the same event differently.

Now, you should know that I never got in trouble in school. I was this little, hardworking angel.

But there was this one boy, D. Craig. We actually called him D. Craig because he was one of those annoying people who goes by his middle name.

I don't know if D. Craig had a crush on me or what. But he was always torturing me, trying to get me to blow up at him. If I'd have had pig tails, he would have pulled them.

So one day, we were waiting for our teacher to come to class when D. Craig decided that it would be fun to push my books off my desk over and over again. We went through the whole experience: me ignoring him, me asking him to stop, me yelling at him to stop. But he persisted.

Finally, he broke my last nerve. I got so angry that I picked the top book off my pile and heaved it at him. I may even have made an "argh" sound while doing so.

And it was at that exact moment that Sr. Julie popped her head in the room to check on us.

She invoked my full name. She just stared at me for a moment and then said, in her worst nun voice, "We'll talk about this later, young lady. *pause* And it was your BIBLE too!"

I just about shit a brick. I could have expired on the spot with no regrets, And what's worse is that she was making me wait for my comeuppance.

So a few classes pass. My best friend at the time was on crutches. Between classes she rode the elevator with Sr. Julie and pleaded my case.

By the time I had religion class with Sr. Julie that afternoon I was so terrified of what she would say that I was shaking.

When everyone was seated, Sr. Julie began. "Class, something awful happened this morning. Some of you may have seen it, some of you may have heard about it. But we are going to address it right now.

"Stand up please," she told me. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

"And Craig, you stand up too." Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

"Somebody here owes somebody else an apology."

I started to open my mouth, but Sr. Julie said, "Not so fast!"

"There comes a time in every girl's life when she must stand up for herself. She must look the boy who is teasing her in the eye and say, 'No more.' And if that boy does not listen, she must make him listen. And if to make him listen she must throw a Bible at his head, then so be it. God himself would understand."

Everyone started applauding!

Sr. Julie continued, "I say good for you. I say it is about time. And Craig, I think you owe an apology, not just to one, but to all the girls."

Hot damn. Those nuns know their girl power! Rock on Sr. Julie. I wonder where she is now.