Update on My Husband's Mistress

Okay. Clearly, one should not joke about infidelity.

This post is an update from yesterday's. You should read that one first or you won't have any clue what I'm talking about.

So, my husband is working 18 hour days lately. He came home for lunch/dinner yesterday carrying a large award in the shape of an aircraft tail. It is a farewell gift from his old squadron.

Me: Did someone named Michele facilitate your receiving that thing?
Him: Huh?
Me: Isn't the 2nd Lt in your old orderly room named Michele?
Him: No. *weird look* Why?
Me: *laughing* It's a long story. Do you have time for a long story?
Him: I'll make time.

I lay out the story to him, the same way I did in my last blog post. I can't help but laugh.

Me: And she says, *sounding all chipper* "Hey *my husband's middle name, which is what the family and I call him*! It's Michele. Just returning your call. I guess I'll see you later. Bye!" So who's Michele?
Him: I don't know any Michele.
Me: *laughing* Me either. But she seems to know you.
Him: Not only do I not know any Michele, I don't know any woman who would use my middle name like that.
Me: *still laughing* So that's your story and you're sticking to it, huh?
Him: Yup. Well, I guess you believe me since you're still here.

So we drop it for a while. We talk to the kids and about other stuff.

Then the phone rings.

Him: If that's Michele, tell her she should know better than to call me at home. Tell her to call me at the office in a half hour.

A little while later, he yawns.

Him: No wonder I'm tired. Between you guys and work and running off to be with Michele and my other family, I barely get any rest.

I can see that Michele will be with us for a while. I can also tell that he's thinking about the whole thing, and it is starting to bug him.

Him: Why would somebody I don't know call and act like they know me.
Me: I don't know, Hon. Maybe it is someone you know. I saved the message for you.
Him: Yeah. I can really see how concerned you were about me cheating on you. You saved the message?
Me: Well, of course. You should listen to it.

So he dials up his voicemail and listens.

Him: I have no idea who that is. She sounds Southern though.
Me: Is the number on the call list?
Him: Oh yeah. Let's see.

It turns out that the number is only one digit off from my old cell phone number, which is a weird coincidence.

So he decides to give the number a call.

Me: You're calling Michele!?
Him: Yeah.
Me: What are you going to say?
Him: I don't know...Oh it's voicemail. *listens* It's some freight company.
Me: OH! That's who I got when I used your cell phone to try and call our number this morning. I probably dialed it four or five times just to make sure. She must have seen the number on her caller ID and decided to call.
Him: But why would she call me by my name like that?
Me: Is that how you say your name on your outgoing message?
Him: I don't know. *calls his own phone to check* Yup.
Me: Too funny. It's a good thing I trust you. Can you imagine how some other wife may have acted?
Him: I know, really. *He starts to get mad* Why would she call me like that, and act like she knows me? That's messed up.

And he dialed her again!

Me: What are you doing?
Him: Leaving her a message. *pause* *in his don't mess with me officer voice* Hello. This is *his name*. It seems that our phone lines got crossed or something. Please give us a call back so we can straighten this out. You obviously already have my cell phone number and our home number is _____. Thank you.
Me: Ack! What the hell did you do that for? Now I'll have to try and explain why my husband sounds like such a dick on the phone. What am I supposed to say to her?
Him: Well...she shouldn't leave messages like that.

I can't help but laugh at him. He's such a dork.

And as he leaves to go back to work until the wee hours of the morning...

Him: I'm off to meet Michele.
Me: Okay, Honey. Give her my love.