Sunday, June 06, 2004

What's that Burning Sensation?

I've gone as low as I can go. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel of my personal pride. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself. This is what my life has been reduced to:

I watched Gigli. Last night, in my boredom and loneliness, I thought it would be a good idea to watch the lowliest piece of cinematic crap ever to be produced. I thought a movie with a tattooed Ben Affleck and a yoga-performing Jennifer Lopez couldn't be all bad. I couldn't have been more wrong. Yet I sat through the entire thing. I may be a little bit masochistic. Please pray for me.

My late night television viewing also exposed me to Trojan's new product, the Warming Sensation condom. At first I thought, "Hmmm. Warming. Sex. That sounds kind of good." But my brain immediately made the leap from warming to burning. And really, who wants a burning anything inserted into their vagina. Or, well, south of the vagina. I now feel that this is the most horrific product to ever be conceived.

I'm so sorry to bring up such horror on a lovely Sunday morning. Misery loves company and you're all along for the ride.

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