Goldy and Rocky

I am very sad today. It isn't often that I feel really sad. I'm not even sure what to do with myself.

Our pet fish died. Both of them. Overnight. When the kids and I walked down the stairs this morning, there they were...belly up. The kids noticed right away and the tears started. I was crying too. I could say that I was crying because they were and it broke my heart. But the truth is that I was just as sad as they were that our little fish are dead.

When I was about six months pregnant with my second, we decided to buy my daughter some fish. The idea was that she could learn about responsibility and nurturing before she had a little baby brother. It was also something that we were doing especially for her, to make her feel special.

She named them Goldy and Rocky. She fed them twice a day. She helped us change the water and clean the tank. She would note the unique personality traits of each fish. She would always include them when she drew pictures of our family.

We weren't expecting them to live very long. My husband and I have both been notorious fish killers. But those fish had seen us through a lot. They were a constant in our lives during the aftermath of September 11th, long separations from Daddy, and even adding a new member to our family.

My husband changed the water in their tank last night. He either didn't let it warm up enough, or he didn't fit the filter back right. The tank was all bubbles this morning. And I'm angry with him. Really angry. This is the second time I've had to deal with pet loss all alone. But I also feel so sad for him. He loved those damn fish. He's going to be sad too when he gets home and he's going to blame himself.

I can't believe I'm sitting here crying about two little goldfish. But I feel like its the end of an era. And I'm sad.