What I Learned in 2005

I'm not one much for looking back. I like to plan for the future, and I can dream about it too. But I'm usually so intent on the present that I don't spend a lot of time in reflection.

But I have another whole year of my life sitting right here on my blog for all to see.

Over the last couple of nights, I've been re-reading everything I wrote in 2005. And wow. Holy crap. We went through a lot last year.

But like everything in life, I can learn from it. And what better way to culminate a year, then in seeing what I learned in 2005.

• How to spell desert.


• Doctors don't return your underwear to you when they decide you don't need it any more.


• Why I'm always getting Internet searches for tuna tampons.


• Speaking of tampons...When you're going to talk about bloody tampons with someone, it is best to find the hottest guy you can.


• Sometimes my friend's advice is right on the mark.


• And there's nothing like welcoming back an old friend.


• People love urine stories.


• And Poop is funny. No really. It is.


• My worlds can collide and no one will get hurt.


• Apparently, war is hell.


• I really am the worst mother ever! There's no two ways around it.


• My daughter is a suck up.


• My kids are in cahoots.


• My son really knows his fashion.


• And it starts really, really young.


• But still, the pain of labor really was worth it.


• Pictures of hot guys can pretty much trump any writing I could ever do.


• I should really read the directions on my White Strips more carefully.


• I say "fuck" a lot when facing off against a winged creature of death.


• The squirrels will get their revenge for the entire animal kingdom.


• Some bloggers can be very bad influences.


• And Mark can make little girls cry.


• Speaking of which, I learned how to pronounce zeitzeuge.


• Being a fairy can be fun.


• How to drink, and drink.


• And that when I drink, I can take fag hag to a whole new scary level.


• Talking about herpes on your blog will bring you some fucked up Google searches for months to come. (Sorry, Barrett!)


• But if you're going to talk about herpes on your blog, don't include a picture of yourself in the post.


• Always check for a towel before you get in the shower.


• My dog hates me.


• Blog fodder can be hard to come by. (Get it? Hard?)


• It's all about the cookie.


• According to you guys, I should never have washed my husband's jock strap.


• And, oh yeah! Sharing TMI is kind of fun.


• And most importantly, I learned that even when I don't feel lovable, I am loved. I am very, very loved.

Oh, and the one thing I didn't learn? What the hooks in my ceiling are for.