Thursday, November 11, 2004

Rules of Petting

G'afternoon folks. Patrick here asking that you all welcome me to the Tuna family! Since TunaGirl has offered to adopt me as her pet, it is now officially TunaGirl, TunaHubby, TunaDaughter, TunaSon, and gay TunaPet!

A few rules for the Tuna Family in regards to caring for your new TunaPet:
  • TunaHubby
    1. Although I am gay...I can not perform all the duties of the TunaGirl. I'm just not equipped that way. That being said...I can teach you a few cooking the perfect Creme Brulee, or how to coordinate your shower curtain with your bedding!
    2. Sometimes when the TunaPet is crawling on his hands and knees, it's only to look for the contact lens he dropped
    3. If we're sleeping in bunk beds, the TunaPet can sleep in either decide
    4. TunaPet loves cuddling while watching Brad Pitt movies. This is a good way to get your TunaPet to purr.

  • TunaDaughter
    1. TunaPet would love to play "Pretty Pretty Princess" with you, but remember that TunaPet is ALWAYS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL! You may be a little princess, but I'm a queen! I outrank you.
    2. "I'd love to play a game sweetie. Let's play Cinderella! You be Cinderella and I'll be the Wicked Step-Mother! Here's a mop...go clean!"
    3. TunaPet can teach you a lot of important lessons if you let him. Such as "Make him come to you!" and "dumb and rich = good boyfriend!"

  • TunaSon
    1. The reason I have never had kids? Diapers. I have no idea how to change one, so we are just going to let you run without one. Don't make on the floor!
    2. TunaPet would love to teach you a few show tunes. We'll start with the original Broadway Cast of Gypsy and work from there
    3. Pay attention: Gray Goose Orange Vodka, Cointreau, cranberry, dash of lime juice. This is what you feed TunaPet!
    4. I insist you play "Pretty Pretty Princess" with me.

If the Tuna family follows these rules, you can expect to have a very successful relationship with the TunaPet.

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